I Don't Wike It: The Cliches and Sterotypes of Wattpad

Living with the 45 Xander Boys

Just so you know, when I typed "boys", autocorrect tried to turn it into "boysenberries" which totally cracked me up, so...yeah, just thought I'd tell you.

Anyway, moving on....

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Mary Sue Smith had a hard life. She was always moving, so never had any friends. And then, to top it all off, her parents die suddenly from a mysterious, er, infected paper cut.... 

So Mary Sue has to go live with her parents' close friend who she has never met, Random Virtually Non-Existent Adult Character. 

And Random Virtually Non-Existent Adult Character's forty-five sons.

Who all have six packs, are six+ feet tall, and cocky, asshole bad boys. Ugh. 

Oh, but when they learn about her past, they all suddenly want to bathe her feet and throw themselves over mud puddles so she won't get her shoes dirty. 

Except for the one, who maintains that he hates her and then they get together in the end. Because for some reason, treating her like shit is romantic.

Bull. Shit.

And why can't her parents, if they even have to die, why couldn't they go on a second honeymoon cruise in the Bermuda Triangle and mysteriously disappear. And then at the end of the book they show up thinking no time has passed leading to a sequel where the main character goes to the Bermuda Triangle to solve its mysteries and discovers the lost city of Atlantis.

Well that went off the rails. Anyway....

Mary Sue walked into the house, and was met with the smirks and stares of forty-five Greek god bad boys with hair color ranging from black to...more black, and heights ranging from...6'3" to...6'4", and they were all shirtless, for some reason, and their muscles ranged from six packs to...extreme six packs. 

Their skin color ranged from....sort of tan to completely tan. And their gorgeous orbs were all either sea green or a rich blue reminiscent of the deep ocean, mysterious and alluring. It made Mary Sue think about the Bermuda Triangle, and she almost burst into tears right there.

Random Virtually Non-Existent Adult Character closed the door behind Mary Sue. "Oh, yeah, these are my forty-five sons that I didn't tell you about for some reason. And you're going to have to share rooms with Xavier."

Suddenly, one of the boys, the most bad boy, sex god, hot stuff of them all, leapt from his place on the couch. "What? But I can't share my room with a...a girl!" He protested in a husky voice.

The other forty-four boys laughed. "Afraid she has cooties?" One of them teased in a husky voice.

And for some, undisclosed reason, Random Virtually Non-Existent Adult Character wasn't there anymore.

Three of the boys approached Mary Sue, one of them with sea green eyes, the other two with ocean blue. Sea Green smirked at Mary Sue and spoke in a husky voice, "Hi, I'm Larry, this is my brother Darrel, and this is my other brother Daryl."

"H-hi, Larry," Mary Sue stammered, "D-Darryls."

(RANDOM AUTHOR'S NOTE: someone please tell me you got that reference!!)

I don't even understand the concept of a story like this, other than the fact that the MC and the love interest are conveniently close. 

I mean, why in the hell would living in a house with a bunch of boys be enjoyable? Some boys are loud, obnoxious, rude, and gross. And they leave the toilet seat up. 

Well, not all the boys, of course, but I'm being dramatic for *effect*.

I guess some people find the idea of a house full of ripped giants with black hair and blue orbs alluring, but I just don't. 

If I see even one guy with his shirt off, I turn into a scolding grandmother of some sort like, "put a shirt on, young man!"

And no, I don't think I'm gay. Not sure if I really like anybody, to be honest.

But I do know what I don't like: random shirtless dudes everywhere! It's just annoying, for some reason. I don't care if they're "fit" or whatever, I just want everyone to remain clothed!

I mean, if the MC has to accidentally walk in on the careless, forgetful Love Interest when he's in the shower, then don't make him tease her about it. Make them both be embarrassed and vow to never speak of it again.

Or, if he has to walk in on her in the shower because she's careless and forgetful, they either do the above and do everything in their power to forget about it, or she tries to get him back, but winds up walking in on one of the other brothers, and then a whole chain of getting back at each other sets off like in that episode of Friends, until everyone is just sick of it, or Monica accidentally sees Joey's dad in the shower and is scarred, but he's just like, "sup?"

Or how about nobody walks in on anybody in the shower? That would be nice.

Or maybe Mary Sue doesn't just melt and let the boys boss her around? Maybe she actually has a mind of her own that isn't dominated by "hot" shirtless dudes?

But that would be too much like independence, and obviously, girls can't survive without hot shirtless dudes.

Please, please note the annoyed sarcasm.

And again, why do the boys have to be cocky, asshole, bad boy dicks? 

Why can't they be nice, even when they don't know her tale of woe? What's so "attractive" about blind hatred, bullying, teasing, and rudeness?

Some of this stuff is just messed up.

And also, why so many boys? If it were two, or three, even four, it might be more plausible. Sort of.

But eight? Nine? Really? I mean, come on! 

Well, the Pontipee's had seven...but anyway.

And why does she have to have a tale of woe? Why can't her parents just go on a second honeymoon, and so she goes to stay with a family friend that she has actually met before, who has maybe two or three sons that the MC actually knows about? 

And then at the end it's discovered that MC's parents disappeared in the Bermuda Triangle and she sets off to go find them (and inadvertently stumbles upon the lost city of Atlantis).

I'd read that. Well, I'd just read the sequel. Because its about freaking Atlantis. So.

Anyway, I'm out. Stay clothed, y'all.