I Don't Wike It: The Cliches and Sterotypes of Wattpad

Mr. Furry is a Howl and a Half

Werewolf stories. Fly me to the moon and call me Frank Sinatra, I kind of hate them. 

Because they're all the same, and unfortunately, the thing that is copied isn't even that good to start with.

There are good werewolf stories, but unfortunately, they're few and far between and get significantly less reads than the ones with overused plots, characters, and the word "mine".

He was drop-dead handsome with black hair and piercing blue eyes/orbs, and he towered over me, my head barely reaching his chest. His incredibly muscular chest. 

His cheekbones and jaw could slice potatoes, I was sure.

"Um, what are you doing in my room?" I asked as I stood there looking at the incredible hunk of a man who had just climbed in my window.

He stepped closer to me, getting so close I could feel the heat radiating off his body, and feel his breaths against my forehead.

His lips curled back in a sneer as he growled in a husky voice, "Mine."

Eye roll. Cringe. Oh my god I hate this so much. Bu-bye. Nope-ing on outta here. 

These are my reactions to a story like this.

Firstly, if a dude crawled into my bedroom window - which I would know someone was there way before he actually got inside because he'd have to cut through the screen and somehow unlock it from the outside - I'd probably pull a frying pan from under my bed and sock him upside the head with it.

And then when he woke up he'd be tied to a chair with me pointing a double barrel shotgun at him demanding who he was and how he found me and if wanted to cut my hair. I don't care if he's a hunk.

Remember when werewolves were scary and not little puppy dogs who just need to be loved? 

How I long for those days! Sure, you can make a human fall in love with a werewolf, but make it realistic.

If you want a werewolf to abduct a girl and take her back to his pack, fine. But don't make her fall in love with him. 

Make her fall in love with another werewolf in the pack, the one who tries to help her escape back home. 

Stockholm syndrome isn't romantic, okay?

Why does Mr. Furry have to constantly say "mine" all the damn time? 

It's freaking stupid, not to mention creepy, and it also makes him sound like a seagull from Finding Nemo. 

Can you imagine falling in "love" (or lust) with a seagull from Finding Nemo? 

"Mine" this, "mine" that. The cake is mine. The tv remote is mine. The covers are mine. Everything is mine, mine, mine!

And possessiveness, oh my lord. It's awful. 

A creepy, obsessed, stalker boyfriend who is over possessive isn't romantic. He's the kind of guy you get a restraining order for, he doesn't listen to it and winds up murdering you, and then he finally gets put in jail.

For example:

Mary Sue Smith hugged her brother she hadn't seen for four years. Mr. Furry sees this and lunges forward, roaring, "MINE!" As he took down the surprised Marty Stu and ripped his throat out.

"Oh my god! That was my brother!" Mary Sue cried.

"Sorry," Mr. Furry said, wiping the blood off his hands.

Mary Sue looked at him with pure love. "That's okay, my darling. You can't help it, you're a werewolf."

Ugh. Excuses, excuses. 

"Sorry my kid punched your kid in the face and knocked out all his teeth. He has allergies." 

Look, just because he's a werewolf doesn't mean he can get away with murder. I mean, I can understand if he had to kill an evil person who was out to destroy everything, but a random stranger just because he can? 

No excuse. I don't care if he has daddy issues, he can't just straight up murder somebody!

Also, a helpful hint: rouge means red in French. Rogue is the word you're looking for. The "g" comes first. Okay?

And most of the time, the whole "silver allergy" thing is forgotten. I think it's cool, and it can also be funny, because I just imagine a whole pack of werewolves sitting around trying to eat with plastic utensils.

The Alpha. Usually, Mr. Furry is about eighteen and the alpha of "the most intimidating werewolf pack in North America". 

That just so happens to be full of nothing but hot dudes and the one bitchy girl that tries to steal Mr. Furry from Mary Sue.

I know it's cool for Mr. Furry to be strong and powerful and what not, but if he's an arrogant, immature, selfish, brother-murdering stalker, he isn't ready to be alpha. So please don't make him alpha. I implore you, let someone more mature be the alpha.

Your Mr. Furry can be the alpha, however, if he is mature and a bit older, or just wise beyond his years. Not hot headed and conceited and annoying. But calm, intelligent, and strong, yes, but not full of himself.

Or let the alpha be a woman. Maybe Mr. Furry's mom? And why can't the werewolf be a girl and the human be a boy? That would be a nice twist.

And apparently, pack elders don't exist. And they're the coolest people! So that's disappointing.

And why not let Mr. Furry have a blemish on his drastically good looks. Scars or something. Maybe he's shorter than all the other guys? Or leanly muscular rather than a looming mountain of a man.

And please don't call eyes "orbs". It sounds creepy! And why do they always have blue eyes? Ugh. And black hair. And seven feet tall. And an eight pack. Well, actually, I can understand muscles since he's a werewolf with enhanced strength.

Also, the color of their fur in wolf form needs to match the color of their hair in human form. Unless their human hair is dyed purple or something.

Just try to make your Mr. Furry different and less creepy and possessive. Make a well-rounded pack that he is not the alpha of if he's a teenager (or give a good reason why he is and make him very mature). 

Don't make him a lovesick puppy. Don't make him murder people on a whim. And please, please, please, do not make him say "mine".

It's the worst.

I'll focus on the Mary Sue of the Werewolf World in another chapter. You know, the whole "rare white wolf and being kidnapped and pregnancy" thing. Ugh.