I Don't Wike It: The Cliches and Sterotypes of Wattpad

Hardin? I Hardly Know Him!

Okay so my previous chapter on names was basically just me screaming about names that are normal or perfectly fine and being dramatic about it for no logical reason whatsoever.

Well, this time, I'm gonna try to talk about names that are actually weird. Or just one name that's actually weird.

So.

Y'all know that movie After that came out, and it was based off a Wattpad book? Well, the male love interest (more like trash human being) was named, what, you ask?

HARDIN

HIS NAME WAS FREAKIN HARDIN AND I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING

So putting aside the multitude of opportunities for dirty jokes this name presents me with, I'm just gonna

Well I'm gonna

Gonna

Hardin. Hard on.

Okay, okay, I said I would put that aside. 

Good lord, why did the author think that name was a good idea? Or in any way appealing? And yes, I understand that After used to be some really weird (in my opinion) One Direction fan fiction and the author had to hastily change "Harry" to something not Harry. Personally, I'd have gone with practically any name that started with 'H' that was not Hardin. Ugh.

In searching the name 'Hardin' on the interwebs machine, I found that it is of English origin, means 'valley of the hares', and apparently was the singer Buddy Holly's middle name. At least I have someone cool to associate with the name now, instead of a whiny little man-child trash human.

The character Hardin himself is a shining example of what is wrong with so many male characters in Wattpad stories. But that's a rant for another time. I've probably already ranted about it, anyway. 

But moving on.

Usually, when I'm inventing a character who is supposed to be attractive, I give them an attractive personality, an attractive face, and an attractive name. A name that, at least when I hear it, brings to mind someone with a pleasant face and maybe a nice smile.

It depends on the character, too. I have a character named Doyle. That name is attractive enough, rolls off the tongue. It makes me think of someone strong, because it's a strong name, a tough name. And this character Doyle, well, he's pretty tough. I have a character named Seth. That name seems softer to me, not weak, certainly, but the way it feels when you say it is softer. And Seth isn't weak, but he's softer. He's sweet, he's kind. 

The name Hardin does not evoke any of these feelings. Even if it was Buddy Holly's middle name, it does not make me think of a musical genius who helped shaped rock'n'roll. To me, the name Hardin is rather awkward to say — but then again, I can barely pronounce the name 'Christina', so do with this information what you will. And to anyone out there named Hardin, well, that's fine, because at least (hopefully) you're not anything like the Hardin from After.

When you're picking out a name, say it out loud. Make sure it doesn't sound like a pun or something dirty. Contrary to my previous whacked-out chapter about names, when you're picking a name, don't be afraid to use a common one. Or an uncommon one. As long as it's easy to pronounce, like for instance the spelling of it is pretty straightforward, you're golden.

For example, I wanted to name a character Aoife. It's an Irish name, and is pronounced 'ee-fah' or 'eef-ya'. It means beautiful, radiant. It's a very pretty, soft, elegant name. I love Irish names. The only problem is, a lot of times their spelling is not straight forward for those of us that aren't familiar with Irish names, or the way that Irish Gaelic works. So names like Aoife, or Eoghan (Owen), or Saoirse (seer-sha) are kind of tricky to use.

But anyway, I couldn't name her Aoife. So, I took a page from the singer Enya's book, and changed the spelling. Enya's real name is Eithne, but she changed it to Enya so people could pronounce it correctly. Therefore, Aoife became Eefa. Less exciting to look at, but hopefully easier to pronounce. And then after all that I just wound up naming her Enya so it was all for naught but whatever.

And you could always just use the weird name and put a little pronunciation 'cheat sheet' or something at the front of your book. But most people are going to forget that cheat sheet, and so the character's name is gonna be 'fjkgsi' in their head.

Or just ignore everything I said and do what you want. I don't know.

I mostly just wrote this chapter so I could rant about the name Hardin. Mostly because it actually does sound like something dirty, and also because the character Hardin in the After series is a piece of trash.  A trashy ass piece of crap that needs to go back to the shadow from whence he came. I may or may not rant about him later.

Y'know Wattpad, if you're looking for books to publish or turn into movies, find better ones.

That's all.