Separated by Our Fate | [COMPLETED]

Chapter 37 - The Search

Lydia POV

I followed closely behind Theo and Luke. They were talking loudly, presumably planning their "victory". I couldn't bear to listen to their chatter, I was feeling too guilty.

"Lydia, you stay with them, alright?" I hear my father's voice from behind me.

"Yeah," I nod reluctantly.

"Make sure they don't go too wild. You should have seen them the last time," he chuckles quietly.

"I'm not surprised," I roll my eyes, "but I guess it's the only way for them to really get their emotions out without crying or something. I do feel really bad for them."

"Don't worry, we're going to find her," he assured me and I sigh, not if I can help it. Well, do I want it?

It felt as if that was all anyone was saying. We'd "find her" and everything was going to be okay. It was starting to irritate me now. I was still conflicted, I missed Olivia so much but I also knew she was happy. What is supposed to be, will be, I guess.

"Lyd, you coming?" My brother calls to me as I realise I've trailed behind. I race up to them.

"Something wrong?" Luke asks , "you seem quite distracted, Lydia."

"No, no, I'm fine," I pant, out of breath, "it's just all a bit much."

He nods wordlessly but I can tell he understands.

"Luke, I know you're really excited-" I begin.

"Excited? Do you think this is fun?" He asks, clearly a little irritated.

"No, no but you're really-" I pause, "I don't know, confident?"

The two of them look at me in confusion and I go on, "what I'm trying to say is, what if we don't find her? You two are so confident and sure of yourselves but I would hate to see you let down when we don't find her."

"When we don't find her? Lydia, are you doubting Uncle Felix and I?" Luke raises an eyebrow, "because I can assure you we will find Olivia. No doubt about it."

"No-" I sigh frustratedly. I wasn't sure if he was trying to irritate me or not but it was definitely working, "Luke you know that's not what I meant!"

Stop it with your little mind games. If you're trying to get something out of me, it's not happening.

That's such an Uncle Felix move, you know.

"Calm down, Lydia," Theo rolls his eyes, "what's got you so worked up about these searches anyway?"

"I-" I had to plan my answers carefully, "I'm nervous. In case something bad happens. Maybe- maybe we should call it off?"

I knew I was majorly pushing my luck here but it was my last chance to save Olivia.

"Are you kidding me?" Luke's voice slightly raises.

He was like Uncle Felix when he was angry. He would either be creepily calm and collected or he would explode. No in between. One thing I was sure the two of them also had in common is neither entered an argument unless they knew they would win. Luke had quickly learned picked that up.

Right now, he was creepily calm but I could feel the tension of his anger rising, "I mean- I thought-" I was at a loss for words.

"Lydia, am I supposed to believe that you would even consider calling off a chance to find your cousin?" He narrows his eyes. I knew he was suspicious.

"I'm just saying!" I yell in an exhausted tone, before quieting my voice again, "you two aren't in the right mood for this."

"Oh, believe me I'm in the perfect mood," Luke says sarcastically, "I don't know what's going on with you Lydia, but I will find out why you're having these little mood swings."

Theo shakes his head at the two of us and I let the two older boys walk ahead. I didn't want to talk to them any longer. I felt guilty about everything, more now than ever. I felt guilty for not stopping the searches all together and I felt guilty for not telling my family why Olivia left.

I thought about my mother, I wonder what she would think about all of this. I had never actually met her, of course I missed her but I knew I didn't miss her as much as Theo, who actually knew her when she was alive. I had seen pictures but that was about it. When I was younger I used to imagine what she would be like.

My father had given me a letter from her when I turned thirteen, saying she was sick before she had me and wrote it just in case. I remember Theo saying something about him getting one too but I never asked to see it and he never asked to see mine. I had read it so much I knew it off my heart. Literally.

At least we have Dad, I thought to myself. I was extremely lucky to have him. I always felt awful for Olivia, Luke, Lewis and Liam. They were a lot older when both of their parents were killed and I was sure they all remembered it. I realised our whole family had dealt with a loss at some point or another.

"We came back home and the whole house was up in flames," Olivia had told me a while ago, "my heart sank. I just had a gut feeling that they didn't make it. I grabbed onto Luke and just broke down."

"Theo?" I called quietly, realising we were nearing the Centre Building.

The rest of our family were way ahead of us and I was sure they were already inside. Theo and Luke were marching ahead, deep in discussion.

"Hmm?" He turns round and glances at me as I desperately try to catch up with them once again.

"Luke, can you give us a minute please?" I choke out, trying not to show the tears welling up in my eyes.

"Sure," he nods without turning around and continues forward.

"What is it? If you don't want to do it you can just go home, but don't you want to?" He asks.

"I-" I take a deep breath. Don't cry, "I'm sorry."

"Why?" He crouches down a little to my level, "Lyd, what's wrong?"

A few tears escape from my eyes, I was unable to control my emotions, "it's all my fault."

"Lydia, I know you blame yourself, I think we all do a little, but I promise you did nothing wrong," he gives me a sympathetic look, "so please don't be sad about it. We'll find her."

But I did do something wrong.

I nodded, sniffling. I didn't want him to know what happened, but I needed my brother. I pulled him in for a hug. I felt guilty.

"Let's go," he says and we enter the Centre Building.

"Hey, where's Luke?" I ask as I realise my cousin is missing.

"He's went on ahead. I should've know he wouldn't have wanted to wait for the Daltons," my father shakes his head.

"He's went on ahead?" I gasp, "come on, we have to catch up to him!"