Dragon Age Inquisition: The Legacy of Dorian Pavus

35: Escalating

Dorian

He was ashamed of himself. Not because he hadn't thought his nightmares the result of a spell, nor because he'd believed he could handle it alone. No. He was ashamed he'd not told Nathaniel. The man only wanted to help and out of a foolish desire to protect him, he'd scared him instead.

He held onto him for a long time while he listened to Nathaniel's peaceful breathing as he slept. How could he possibly believe he was good enough for this man? He was always making the wrong choices. Keeping things hidden, covering his true feelings with wit and sarcasm, refusing his offers of help. It was obvious to everyone at Skyhold Nathaniel loved him, but he still didn't understand why.

He'd thought to ask, but voicing the doubts in his head made him sound weak and pathetic. Like he had no confidence in himself at all, making all his boasting of his finer traits nothing but lies. How could a man like the Inquisitor love someone like that? A man who saw who and what people really were behind their masks? Did he just not see Dorian's faults? Or how insecure he was about his own ability and power? And if he did see them, why in Andraste's name did he put up with him?

He wiped the damp from his cheeks with a weary sigh. Enough. All this self-doubt was coming from the spell he'd been under. He couldn't recall much of anything from his dreams aside from the feelings he'd experienced. Loss, failure, fear, anger and the overwhelming sense that no matter what he did, he would be inadequate to whatever lay ahead.

He understood the spell had drawn power from any small memory of an emotion he carried and amplified it. It didn't matter if the feelings had originated in childhood or last week. If he had ever experienced any of them in his life, the spell had been designed to feed on it and make it grow so big it consumed him.

It had been a very successful and very powerful enchantment. He was almost certain that if Nathaniel hadn't woken him, it would have completed it's purpose. Binding him so tight to those raw and devastating emotions that no counter-spell could have saved him.

What scared him most, was how quickly it had worked. He knew he would normally have mentioned the nightmare the first night he'd had it. Which could only mean the spell had been designed to isolate him first, make him believe it was nothing. That he could handle it alone and was nothing to be concerned about.

He frowned then, his anger rising. What made no sense at all was why. Why would anyone, including Solas, want to torture him like this? What was the purpose of it all?

He had no answers to that. Even Nathaniel's theory about Solas and the Dread Wolf didn't make sense, though he had to admit it made a good story. Sighing, he realized just how tired he was. Snuggling closer to Nathaniel's reassuring presence, he closed his eyes and promptly fell asleep.

Nathaniel

After killing the dragon which had been guarding the final dwarven Thaig, we returned to Skyhold. Though I had no love for killing dragons, in many ways the fight had been a blessing. We were all tense and frustrated over what had happened last night. Killing the dragon had given us a way to release all our pent up tension.

Bull, of course, was ecstatic. Killing a dragon was high on his list of most awesome things to do. He couldn't stop talking about how glorious it had been to defeat such a magnificent creature and his exuberance sustained us all the way back to Skyhold. So much so, that by the time we arrived we were all in better moods.

My earlier rage toward Solas had diminished and I was no longer in danger of killing him outright. The battle with the dragon and the trip back had given me time to distance myself from my feelings and I viewed the event as a puzzle. I still wanted to kill whoever was responsible, but I was no longer fuelled by blind rage.