In Darkness and In Light

Simulation and nightmares

"Yeah.." I mumbled knowing her name all to well.

"We can confirm that we have found a body, believing to be her. Dental records have proven more effective..."

My stomach twisted.

"How bad Monroe?" I asked needing to hear it.

"The worst I've seen. I can't divulge into details, it's too... It's very hard to get over seeing something like that but it's clear he made a statement. It seems his first was his worst, but then he was unable to get Justin alone. One officer was physically sick on scene."

I shoved Zak's hand away as he kept poking me for information.

"Her family have been made aware. Robyn, I hate to ask you this, I honestly do but Harold keeps referring to a butterfly. Saying about its wings of turquoise glass? Does that mean anything to you?"

"I- No I don't thin- The cupboard. He's talking about the cupboard."

"Cupboard?"

"In the orphanage the naughty children were put inside the cupboard, it was so dark in there that you couldn't see anything, so you'd just lay on the floor curled up hoping to be let out eventually. After she attacked me, I was thrown into the cupboard for not staying down.. uh- Harold he uh, he pushed a drawing under the door, it was a butterfly. It's wings were covered in cellophane of boiled sweets. The matrons used to tease us with them. He collected the blue ones. Maybe that's what he's on about?"

"I've wrote that down. But I've also ring you for another reason... It's hit the papers. Somehow. But you haven't been mentioned or your case. Just Harold and Hilda."

"How long until I am though?" I mumbled picked at my ankle sock.

Our conversation lasted a little longer before I hung up the phone turning to Zak.

"What? What's happened?" He asked seeing my face.

"He- he really killed someone because of me."

His hands grabbed my face "No. Not because of you."

I moved out of his grasp feeling awful. "I need to brush my teeth."

"Roby-"

"I'm okay." I interrupted getting to the bathroom. I closed the door and sank down against it.

The worst I've seen..

That alone has to be seriously bad. Right?

Before I realised it, I was throwing up in the toilet bringing up the contents of my stomach and more.

Zak came in instantly moving my hair up as I gasped for air. My hand grabbed his wrist as I struggled for air.

"Steady, just calm down." He soothed rubbing my back.

I shook my head and stopped breathing as yet more came up.

"Breathe..." He coaxed.

Sucking in a struggled breath he flushed the toilet and got me a glass of water as I sat back against the floor.

"This isn't your fault. You can't think like that, Harold was a psycho, you can't blame yourself for his actions, Roo."

I rinsed my mouth before guzzled the rest to calm the burning in my throat.

"He only did it because of me. His first kill at that extremity, what the hell did he have planned for the rest of us?"

"I don't unde-"