In Darkness and In Light

*Light at a dark time*

{Zak}

Hospitals were cattle markets, you go in, you come out, you go home.

I didn't know what happened to Joe but I was by Robyn's side as we got into my car. Having no other clothes, the hospital gave Robyn a set of hospital scrubs, just another reminder of this awful day.

"Slowly." I whispered helping her into the car.

She hasn't spoken since her crying earlier, I could only assume her mind was going over everything, whether any of her actions caused it.

I got in the car and looked at her as her eyes were fixed on the hospital. I started up the car and went to pull my belt on when she spoke.

"I can't go." She said suddenly making me look at her.

"Why?" I asked as she took her belt off.

"I-" Her chest began heaving heavily and her hands tightened on the door handle. "How can I just leave him or her there?"

"Sweetie."

"I can't leave my baby. That's my baby. My baby is.. I should have my baby. That's my baby not their baby." She rambled getting herself worked up.

"Robyn, look at me." Her eyes shifted to me. "The baby isn't there anymore."

She frowned before shaking her head violently "Y-You.. You don't care."

"I do." I whispered reaching for her but she shot away from my hands as if I would burn her.

"Don't touch me! Don't you touch me! I can't go because I'm not complete! I'm not 100%! I- I'm empty! What's the point in doing this?! Breathing if I can't-! I need that baby! I need to feel a purpose! I need a family! I want a family! I want a family!" She cried.

I wiped the tear in my eye and grabbed her hand "We will get through this together. Sweetie, our baby isn't there anymore, he, or she is being looked after by the other children who needed to go sooner."

"But why?!" She asked gripping my hand tightly.

"Because this world is a cruel place. Because bad things happen to good people, because there is evil in this world."

She frowned before touching my face "You're sad too?"

"I am.."

"I stole this off you." She whispered looking horrified with herself.

"It isn't your fault, don't you blame yourself. You heard the doctor, something wasn't right. It doesn't mean we can't try again."

"I don't want to try again. I don't want to have another baby. I wanted that baby. I wanted to-" she stopped looking at my rosary beads. "I didn't mean what I said.. He has to be true, doesn't he?"

I looked down at the cross "I like to think so. I like to think someone is looking out for us, for our baby."

A tear fell off her nose as she nodded frantically.

"We will be okay Roo, I promise."

She nodded again before sitting back against the seat looking at the hospital again.

"Goodnight baby." She whispered kissing her hand and pressing it against the window.

I turned my head away and wiped my face before undoing the window to get some fresh air. I couldn't break in front of her, I'm suppose to be the strong one now.

************

I watched the flames of the fire consume the log, the heat causing it to split and crack loudly in the silent lounge.