ᴅᴀᴛᴇ ғᴏʀ ғᴀᴋᴇ → ᴊᴀᴍᴇs ᴘᴏᴛᴛᴇʀ

↳ 20: STAR TALK

THE DAY PASSED PRETTY QUICKLY, only lunch, dinner, talks with the Potters, more heart cringing talking with James, and so on. It was 8P.M. and Freya was in the living room, warming herself by the fire. Euphemia had asked (forced, really) James and Sirius to do the dishes because it wasn't an excuse that they were rich and it was the holidays. Euphemia was taking a bath while Fleamont was in his bedroom. Freya had insisted to help with the chores but Euphemia disagrees very much for she was a guest. So, she was left alone and bored, again. And accidentally, she fell asleep on the chair.

         Freya, however, got startled in her sleep when she felt a fur figure by her feet. Opening her eyes and seeing at the clock that it was only 9P.M., she looked down to her feet and almost shrieked as she saw a black dog. And it was no question who the dog was. "Sirius,"

         The dog only stirred in his sleep and snuggled closer to her legs. Freya rolled her eyes and scratched the dog's neck, "Sirius, wake up."

         The dog circled and then after a short while, open its eyes. The dog yawned and stretched before lazily seating up and staring at Freya. The lass rolled her eyes, "Why were you sleeping on my feet?"

         If dog's could roll eyes, Sirius the dog would've done it. He padded and took a robe by his snout before transforming back to human form. Freya blushed and looked away as naked Sirius stood in front of him with a robe between his teeth. After a little shuffling, she heard, "You can look now."

         Freya sighed in relief as she faced a now covered up Sirius. As he was tying the robe tighter, he asked, "Tell me, again, how did you know we were animagi?"

         "Fifth year, when Lily, Froyce and I — well, mostly, Lily and Froyce — figured out that Remus was a werewolf. Remember? The whole, you four pulled the three of us in this whole Auror like interrogation and you explained every detail and you swore us to secrecy? Remember?" Freya rose an eyebrow, as if Sirius was daft to not remember that it only happened a year ago.

          Sirius shrugged, "Oh yeah, forgot. I'm just so used to it's just the four of us knowing that I sometimes forget other people know as well."

         Freya rolled her eyes and intended to speak when Sirius spoke again, "Same as I'm just so used to you only having feelings for me and not others — especially, not my best friend."

         This caught Freya off guard. She stared at Sirius, eyebrows slowly scrunching. "Isn't that such a self —"

          "Selfish thing to say?" Sirius chuckled, cutting her off. "I know. And you don't know how much I hate myself because I am being incredibly selfish because of you."

         "What do you mean?" Freya spoke softly.

         "I want you back, Freya." Sirius answered in an instant the question was given. And Freya took it all in her to try and decipher what he just said. Sirius continued, "But, I can't. Because all I can fucking offer you is my body and my lips and my kisses while James can offer you this," He waved his hand and pointed at the regal room. "Legalization, family, a relationship."

          Freya stared at him, feeling sad suddenly. "Sirius, I —"

         "Do you know why I don't do relationships?" Sirius cut him off.

         It was a rhetorical question and Freya knew that. So, she stayed silent and expected Sirius to answer his own question — which he most definitely did. "It's because I don't want to make my girlfriend feel like I'm not proud of them. Because I have no family to introduce them to. Because I'm a castaway — I'm a disgrace. I don't want to drag whoever it is with me down to rock bottom. I don't want for people to bully them and make them feel unwanted just because they dated a disowned child like me — a man unworthy of his name."

          "No, Sirius, that's not —"

          "But, what?" Sirius cut her off yet again. "All people see is a notorious boy who only looks at women like they're dolls and breaks everyone's hearts. No woman has ever taken the accord to even just peek at how my heart has been long broken. It was only always James, and Remus, and Peter. Still, I'm the bad guy."

          "So, do I blame you, Freya? Do I blame you from getting over the guy who only used you for sex and loathing him?" asked Sirius, his eyes meeting Freya's and she saw them all — tears glistening and sadness pouring.

          "I don't loathe you, Sirius," Freya started softly, trying to walk towards him but Sirius cut her off, yet again.

          "You just can't stand me, is that it?" Sirius asked sarcastically and the venom in his words almost poisoned Freya.

          She sighed. She didn't knew how to make him understand. Even she didn't seem to understand. Sirius took a step forward and continued to speak in the same venomous tone. "I shouldn't want you. And you shouldn't have known this things about me. But, here we are. And everything that shouldn't had happened. I don't know why I can't get you off my mind. I don't know why I suddenly regret ever ending things between us nor why I'm just starting to realize that I actually want you. But seeing you every time with James slowly kills me. And I hope you know that."

           Without another word, Sirius walked past Freya and out of the room — and possibly out of her life forever.