Just like me: phan

Just like me: phan pt46

*Dans pov*

Cars drove by at extreme speeds, some of them drove so close to me that they almost knocked me over, I kind of wanted be knocked over. It was dark, and freezing, I didn't know where I was going, I should've brought my phone... I should've locked the door...I sho- There were so many things I should've done, could've done, to stop all of this from happening, maybe if I'd kept walking that night I saw Phil on the ground we'd both be a bit safer, no, I  couldn't think like that, it would just cause me more pain.

I stopped running and just decided to walk, you're not getting anywhere anyway, I was lost, not just on the freeway, but in my head. Thoughts raced by like the cars beside me, Phil's dead, He was dead, there was no way he would've survived whatever they did to him. 

I stopped dead in my tracks and looked across the three lane freeway. I thought about walking across it, getting hit by a car, and maybe...maybe after that I'd see Phil again. But the pain in my heart stopped me from moving, Phil wouldn't want you to,  Just keep walking. 

The cold air bit at my nose, and as the minutes ticked by I realized I was so alone. No one cared, no one understood. I should've protected him...I shouldn't have left him alone.

When I started to see houses beside me, I realized that I really had no idea where I was, I felt as if I was walking in circles. It began to rain, and as it did I started to cry, because I couldn't understand why someone so special could be torn away from me so fast, no actually, I could. I didn't deserve him, he was too...amazing for me, I hurt him too much already. He died because of me, I played back every time I had ever beat him, his eyes, his bruises and cuts, his lips quivering, but I didn't stop. Because back then, he didn't mean anything thing to me, he couldn't mean anything to me. I continued to cry, harder this time and began walking at a much slower pace. My head shot up when I heard a scream come from behind me, I turned and squinted through the pouring rain, I saw a boy, curled on the ground... clutching his knee.