𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍 ➳ 𝒃.𝒖

eighteen

"Emma? Hey, you home?" My mom yells cheerfully from downstairs - she just came back from work.

"Yeah, I'm here."

"I've got takeaway with me!"

I sigh, wiping my watery eyes with my damp sleeve, standing up and straightening my shirt to get rid of any cake crumbs I had on me (I binge ate cake oops.) I certainly wasn't going to let my mom know about any of that.

I walk down the stairs and smile widely, trying to distract both myself and my mother from the utter sadness I was feeling in my chest at the moment.

When I really think about it - it's useless crying. We weren't official - we just fucked a few times and that's it. But if we weren't even officially together and able to call each other 'boyfriend and girlfriend,' why am I so upset about this?

I shake my head, trying to avoid my frustration and focusing on my mom. She's unusually happy today - and not because of any alcohol or cigarettes she's been taking. At least, hopefully not.

"Why are you so happy?" I say, a bit more of a statement than a question and more disrespectfully than I aimed for.

"Well...." My mom sets her bags down on the counter, "I've been seeing someone."

"Really?"

She nods cheerfully - it's the first time she's ever 'gone out' ever since dad left us, which is probably the reason for her enthusiastic happiness.

"How long?"

"3 months."

I expected something less than that, but ignored it anyway.

"And... he asked me something, and I agreed."

"Mom? Did he...?" I ask, smiling.

She takes a deep breathe and laughs slightly, "Emma, we're moving to Florida!"

-
I grip the sink tightly, my breath heavy and uneven. I can't leave - this is where my entire life is. I can't leave - my school, my future, my friends, Brendon.

To: Ashely
SOS
From: Emma

To: Emma
Woods in 5
From: Ashley

Even though I don't want to go at all - I'm going to have to. My mom's so happy about it, I can't just let her happiness drown because of what I want. Because I'm selfish. Because I'm inconsiderate. Because of some stupid relationship.

Nevertheless, I quickly slide my phone into the back of my jeans, rushing out of the bathroom.
"I'll be back in an hour." I say to my mom, not really bothering about her response.

And I run, as fast as I can. I run as if the solution to all my problems is just ahead of me, and the further I get from my house; the further I get away from my problems.

This is the exact reason why my life is complicated. I act like a dumb teenage girl, and fall in love, then hate myself for it after something happens. This has happened so many times before - even though this time is different, I know the way I'm feeling is wrong.

I quickly stop at the middle of the forest, climbing up a large rock before walking out into an area in front of some train tracks. It sounds suicidal, but I really love this place, it's really calming and just gives me space to think.
I sit down on, legs hanging off the edge, staring into the colourless sky.

"Hey," Ashely suddenly says, making me turn to see her out of breath and tired form.

"Crisis." I say simply, she knows me well enough to know what I mean.

"What happened?" She asks, sitting down next to me.

"Don't want to say it specifically, but I'm just having a shit day today."

"If you really don't want to say what happened, it's okay. But know I'm always here for you, and I'm never going to judge you for anything."

I smile in response, leaning back on my hands. "I really just need to spend some time with you."