YuZhou Fan Fics

Loneliness

Jingyu is not his usual self. Yup, he spends almost every second missing Zhouzhou. It's not like they meet every single day. But thinking that Zhouzhou is in another country and with other person than him, how could he be happy.

Jealousy perhaps. But since the beginning he decided to trust Zhouzhou. It's not like Zhouzhou will fall for another guy that easy. It's just still weighing his mind while he's thinking about his boyfriend. Guess it will be so much worse if Zhouzhou is close with a female. Jingyu really needs to control himself. It's better to learn sooner than it's too late.

Everyday Zhouzhou texts him and they talk on the phone sometime. There's not that much difference with their usual activities. It just hit Jingyu that he really can't go ahead and see Zhouzhou whenever he wants.

He thought after they got together, they will only be happy together. He never thought that it will teach him about loneliness as well.

He's used to being alone. He's a lone wolf after all. He could be surrounded by a lot of people and have a great time. But he also loves being by himself. Lost in his thoughts. He found freedom and peace when he's alone. But just like what people always say, being alone and being lonely is not the same. Jingyu enjoys being alone and that's why he never really get lonely. In fact, he's happy when he's alone.

Not nowadays. Sometimes he still enjoys being alone. Drift away with the wind. He's found happiness in being alone for so long and it's not that easy to let that go. He knows he needs time on his own sometime. But now he got to taste loneliness. Especially when he's missing that special person. His beloved. His boyfriend. Zhouzhou.

That guy sure has taught him a lot about himself. He never knew before that he could be lonely. That he could feel sad when he's alone. Being alone was equal to being happy before. He didn't know when it started to change. All he knows right now is that he's lonely when he misses Zhouzhou. Worse, when he can't get in touch with Zhouzhou when he misses him.

Loneliness finally gets him. He gets emotional, sentimental perhaps. So he decided to sing a song to express his feeling. It's a weird feeling and it's not a really good feeling. He hopes he could just let it all out and be happy again on his own. He needs to be able to be alone, separate from Zhouzhou from time to time. It's not just for them. Every couple needs to do this as well. Let's face it, even married couple need time and space alone. He just needs to learn how to deal with the loneliness since he's so good at being alone before.

There's a song that came to his mind right away. More Lonely Than Before. He thought why not and started to sing. He might not have the greatest voice. But he sings right from his heart to express this loneliness he's feeling.

He sang and sang and sang. The plan backfired. He thought singing will help him to overcome this loneliness. It only made it worse. The loneliness gets more real than ever and he's just helpless. His thought is only full of one person and one person only.

Suddenly he heard his phone's ringing. He couldn't believe what he's just seen. Are they that connected so Zhouzhou can feel his longing and read his mind? Let's not get ahead. But it's not Jingyu if he let this coincidence goes to waste.

"I was just thinking about you," he said warmly.

"I called because I was thinking about you too."

Then silent. Zhouzhou wanted to hear Jingyu's voice so bad that he decided to call. He never thought he could miss a guy this much. He feels lonely even though he's supposed to have fun in Korea. As soon as he's alone he called Jingyu.

Jingyu breaks the silent as he said he missed Zhouzhou. Both of them did. They still do.

"When will you get back?"

"Soon... What do you want for souvenir?" Zhouzhou tries to light up the atmosphere.

"You?"

Zhouzhou is happy to hear that. He's blushed and thankful they are not on video call. He will get so embarrassed if Jingyu saw how blushed he is because that one single word.

"Then I'll buy you something that will always remind you of me. Something that allows you to see me all the time."

Jingyu's demanding more clues or the answer itself. He got curious.

"Just think of it as me. And that seeing it is also seeing me."

"You know I'm not in the mood for being a detective."

"Why can't you just wait for it?"

Jingyu gives in. But not without fighting back. "Fine, I'll wait. But you give it to me yourself. And spend a day just with me."

"Y-you."

Zhouzhou is speechless after hearing how straightforward Jingyu was. Doesn't want to embarrass himself longer, Zhouzhou cut his phone line.

Jingyu's surprised but he smiles while seeing his phone just cut off.

Today he comes to a conclusion, the only cure for his loneliness if Zhouzhou. He could hear or sing a lot of songs to express his loneliness. And it wouldn't go away. He could play with few friends and laugh. But it just made the loneliness worst. He could try to sleep if not being awake because of the loneliness itself. Yet hearing Zhouzhou's voice for a while could ease his loneliness.

At least he won't be lonely for a while. Until he decided to call Zhouzhou again later. Since Zhouzhou is the only one who can help him deal with this loneliness.

So he smiles again and dedicated his song for Zhouzhou. He wants to let Zhouzhou knows how much missing him has caused much loneliness. Zhouzhou needs to take responsibility.