Clouds

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Today, Jingyu planned to cook for ZhouZhou. He arrives at Zhouzhou's place right on time. He brought the ingredients he'll need and looks happy seeing Zhouzhou in the flesh. They both are.

Zhouzhou opens the door and let him in. It's not his first time there so he just goes right to the kitchen. Zhouzhou follows behind him closely.

Contrast with Zhouzhou who only wears shorts and loose white t-shirt, Jingyu looks astonishing with his black jeans, white t-shirt, and leather jacket. Jingyu takes off his jacket and put it on the chair's hand.

"What do you want to eat?" He asks with a bright smile.

"You just come and that's your first question?" Zhouzhou rolls his eye and takes a seat across Jingyu.

"Do I still need formalities with you?"

Zhouzhou put his face on his hand and stares at the handsome face in front of him closely.

"You know that's not what I mean."

Jingyu just brush it off with a laughter. He takes out the vegetables and chicken. Without asking permission, he helps himself with the kitchen utensils.

"I'll just prepare something fast then."

"Really. Can't we talk or watching a movie or something first? Why do you go straight to the kitchen?"

Inside his head, he also wants to ask, "Do you even look at me?" But he can't say it out loud. He doesn't want to be those clingy type because he definitely isn't.

"If you take care of yourself properly, I don't need to do this every time I come here."

Zhouzhou knows Jingyu's half joking. He can't really take care of himself when he's preoccupied with something. He knows that already. But he never force Jingyu to take care of him. He's not a kid. He doesn't want to be a burden.

"You don't need to take care of me."

Finally Jingyu stop his hand movement for a while and look at Zhouzhou. Smiling.

"Well, I want to." Jingyu could see Zhouzhou's blushing and it makes him want to tease more. "Besides, if not me, who'll take care of you."

It's already their habit to tease each other and joke around. And just by reflex, Zhouzhou teases back.

"You know I do have a lot of friends who would."

It's supposed to be a joke between them. But somehow, Jingyu's chest is clenching. He immediately hides the pain in his eyes and force a laugh.

"Just try calling them and we'll see."

"I'll make you see," Zhouzhou is still joking, oblivious with Jingyu's pain.

"Alrigh, alright. Why don't you play by yourself and let me finish this."

"Okay."

Zhouzhou keep sitting still and staring at every movement Jingyu makes. He love what he's seeing right now. Jingyu feels the stares and just smile.

It didn't take long, the meal is ready. It's some kind of vegetable stir but it's special because of the chef who made it. They enjoy their meal and start talking.

They know almost everything about each other so it's not that hard to find a topic. The first one is of course Jiu jitsu because Zhouzhou always know that guy will smile whenever they talk about it. Then a new song Zhouzhou wrote. Their plans tomorrow, and so on.

They really won't run out of topic.

"I saw your weibo, there're a lot of girls who want you."

Jingyu almost spills his water when he heard that.

"Jealous?"

Yes, Zhouzhou is a little jealous. It's more of an insecurities though. He can't help thinking there is a girl out there for Jingyu. That thought scares him but it's not like he can just brush it off like nothing.

"Nah, I'm happy for you," he answer with sarcasm.

"It's not their fault to have such good eyes. They now I'm handsome," Jingyu laugh happily. He's still such a narcissist.

Zhouzhou didn't laugh with him. There's something going on in his head. It's been there for a while.

"I just wonder... perhaps someday we'll also find our own dream girl and getting married."

Jingyu stops his laughter at once. He barely heard what Zhouzhou said but the shivers already run in his bone. He doesn't know what that guy is thinking saying all of that.

They are a good friend. That's for sure. No one can deny. They could understand each other really well as a friend. Better than most friend actually. But with a new feeling growing between them, it's like it's clouding their understanding. They don't know what is what anymore. The usual jokes also bring a new meaning into their mind and heart. There's a cloud between them that preventing them to see each other.

"Then... what about some space?" Jingyu doesn't look at Zhouzhou. He's busy with his own mind.

He's a freedom guy. He's stubborn and always fight for what he wants. But it's so difficult when it comes to Zhouzhou. That younger guy is like his Kryptonite. He makes him weak so easily. Just a few words from Zhouzhou could turn him into a coward.

Zhouzhou can't believe what he just heard. "What?"

"I think we can't stay like this forever. Something needs to change."

"And what are you suggesting exactly?" Zhouzhou is getting angry.

"Why don't we take a break. We need time and space to think about what we really want."

"A-are you running away again?"

Jingyu knows the guy in front of him is mad. But the words just keep coming out of his mouth. Uncontrollably. Wether he means it or not.

"We never really had a space after Addicted. After, you know," Jingyu tries to replace his words with hand signal.

"I'm asking you one last time. Are you serious?"

Time paused. Zhouzhou stares straight right into Jingyu's eyes. Almost begging to give him the answer he wants to hear. He can't understand where this talk come from. It's too random. Too sudden. Just last night they are talking happily. They looked so happy seeing each other today. Zhouzhou tries to find what went wrong. Just what the hell is going on inside that silly's head.

"Let's take a break."

Jingyu's ready to get blamed. He'll accept whatever curse Zhouzhou will give him. He had his own reasons. It's not an impulsive thought just because of what Zhouzhou said.

Zhouzhou stands up and slams the table. "A break? We never together to begin with. If you want to go, go. Just go!"

Jingyu could hear the tremble in Zhouzhou's voice. It's full of anger but also sadness. He prefers Zhouzhou just get angry and blame everything on him. He never wanted to make him sad. Never. He tries to pull Zhouzhou to his embrace but that guy pushes him away.

"You know where the door is. Just leave."

"Zhouzhou..."

"Leave! Go!"

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