Teen Idle

|65| - Year in Review/New Year's Resolutions

2015 is coming to an end and I have been thinking about how this year has been.

On a global level, a lot of things happened. Gun violence soared to an all-time high. Gay marriage was legalized in all fifty states. The Confederate Flag was taken down in South Carolina. Ms. Piggy and Kermit broke up.

However, on a personal level... nothing happened. I mentioned this before, but I don't really know what I expected. I guess I thought something different would happen? I mean, the only major things that impacted my life was my trip to India and my maternal grandmother dying. I guess you can include me getting an actual phone and me starting my rant book as major things?

My new year's resolution that I made in 2014 is kind of hazy. I don't really remember all of it, but I'm pretty sure that one of them was lose weight. Well, the only instance I lost weight was when I came back from India due to the hot weather (sweating and such).

This year, however, I have a few resolutions that I hopefully want to stick to.

1) Lose weight

Yea, I know that this is something that everyone has down, but I really want to get in shape. There's nothing wrong with where I am now. In fact, I am a healthy weight for my height and age. It's just that a lot of my friends work out and have muscles and I guess I want to do that too. Even if it means that I don't have a totally ripped body, I will still do it. I want to be able to wear semi-tight clothing without sucking in my gut.

2) Get a 4.0 GPA (or higher)

Right now, my GPA is probably between a 3.7 and a 4.0, but I want to achieve higher. I want to pass all of my classes with A-'s or higher. I want to show my parents that I can work hard and that I am not the lazy shit they think I am. They have always made fun of me for not winning awards and not going to competitions, so this school year I decided to go ahead of myself and sign up for every club possible. Oh boy - you guys don't realize how much I regret that decision. I have absolutely no time for anything! I have to do shit tons of homework and dedicate my time to my after-school programs. It may not sound like a lot, but I go to a STEM school, so the homework I get actually applies to real life, believe it or not. I take a Computer Science class, in which I have to program in Python and I take a Principles of Engineering class, in which I do a lot of mechanical engineering. If you really want to know the topics we go over, just type the class name into Google.

3) Be more considerate.

I'm not going to deny that I was an asshole this year. In my defense, I was under a lot of stress and I really wanted to distance myself from a person that I wanted nothing to do with. Next year, I want to treat my friends right. I want to treat the people that aren't my friends or I am not close with right. I learned a lot about social issues and myself this year, so I want to use this information to make myself better and to see people in a whole new light.

4) Take care of myself (mentally and physically)

I don't know if anyone can relate, but I've noticed that I have been neglecting myself. Everything I have ever focused on was about other people. I focused on what my parents, brother, friends, peers, and teacher wanted, but I never focused on myself. I never paid attention to what I needed and desired. I became aware of this when my brother and my mother got into an argument about something. My brother always asks for things, whether it be a new console, a game, headphones, etc... My mother gets angry because my brother pesters her about this and always changes his mind. While my brother was in his room contemplating what he did, my mother was talking to me about how I never asked for things, even as a child. She told me that whenever I asked for anything, like a pillow or a doll, she'd say "no" because she was new to parenting and didn't know it was okay to give your child some small things. She'd tell me that as soon as she said "no," I'd leave her alone and never ask again. Now, I don't even try anymore. I never really cared for receiving gifts or anything of those sorts, so I don't even think about the things I want. That's why when I asked for a jacket and a new pair of shoes, my parents jumped at the chance, as they feel sorry for not getting me anything this holiday.

Same goes with my mental health. I've been driving myself insane by thinking about other people's problems. I have been caught in a web of drama and forgotten friendships and I just can't bear it. One of my closest friends, the beam of sunshine in my life, told me this year that she was diagnosed with depression and that she has been going to therapy. I was crushed, not going to lie. She was the happiest girl in our friend group and to find out that she has been hurting since the summer devastated us all. I spent all my time thinking about her wellbeing. My motivated plummeted when I reached the 8th grade and I have been struggling to regain it since. Before the 8th grade, I did all my homework on time. I put my maximum effort into projects and tests. I even cleaned up my room and made myself look presentable! It was like a roller coaster and sooner or later, I was going to accelerate downwards. Now, I suffer. I barely do my work. My room is a mess. I lack creativity. I look like a slob. My self-esteem is pretty much like a stream in California right now. I really want next year to be different. but I know it won't come easily.

What are your New Year's resolutions? What were some of your accomplishments this year? What were some of your shortcomings?