The Ex-Wife of Chris Goldman

29 - Forgive don't forget

I walk back into the house and call out his name.

No Reply

I check his office, Empty
I check the lounge, Empty
I check the pool, Nobody
I check the garage to see if he took his car, All the cars are there

Then I hear sounds coming from the bedroom, sound only made when Chris and I are pleasuring each other. I walk slowly up to the bedroom, and crack the door open. I see Chris on top of some brunette slut.

"Baby, I think someone is here."

I see him look over his shoulder, and a wave of panic and sorrow instantly crosses his face.

"Harp, your back early."

Tears begin to stream down my face

"I don't want to see you ever again, ever."

"Harper, let me explain." He says pulling himself off the slut which I instantly recognize as his Personal Assistant Laura. "This is a mistake, I'm not even sure what happened"

"I don't care" I say turning and running down the hall. I rush down the stairs and.......

I recall that day every single day of my life. The day of heartbreak, the day of betrayal, the day that my world can crashing down.

I'm sitting at a princess tea party with Sylvianna and Abernathy while Owen sleeps and Lisbeth entertains herself with dolls in the corner.

I know I should remember it, I know I should just forget. I know I need to move on. But I can't, it's hard and a part of my life that has molded me to be who I am. I shrug it off and go back to "Happy, Chirpy, Mommy" mode and play tea before Owen wakes up and I have to feed and change him.

I walk back into the house and call out his name.

No Reply

I check his office, Empty
I check the lounge, Empty
I check the pool, Nobody
I check the garage to see if he took his car, All the cars are there

Then I hear sounds coming from the bedroom, sound only made when Chris and I are pleasuring each other. I walk slowly up to the bedroom, and crack the door open. I see Chris on top of some brunette slut.

"Baby, I think someone is here."

I see him look over his shoulder, and a wave of panic and sorrow instantly crosses his face.

"Harp, your back early."

Tears begin to stream down my face

"I don't want to see you ever again, ever."

"Harper, let me explain." He says pulling himself off the slut which I instantly recognize as his Personal Assistant Laura. "This is a mistake, I'm not even sure what happened"

"I don't care" I say turning and running down the hall. I rush down the stairs and.......

I wake up in a cold sweat, I check the baby monitor. Owen is still asleep, the girls are asleep, and Chris is sound asleep an arm slung over my torso. I look at the bed were sleeping in, it's a different bed but I still can't help thinking of that night. Chris must have heard me stirring about because his eyes flicker open.

"Babe, which kid is it? I'll handle it you go back to bed." He sits up rubbing his eyes sleepily

"No, no kid. I woke up."

"Oh, mommy instinct of dominating about to happen?"

"No, I had a dream about that night I found you, well you know."

"I do know, and I promise you that won't happen again, ever. I swear."

"I know, I know you promise. But, I keep wondering What If. What if I come home and find that again. What if I become not good enough for you. Back when I was pregnant with
Emmadette before we lost her I wondered what if after I give birth I never regain my body and become fat. What if you blamed me for losing her. What if we couldn't have anymore children because of me. What if I became not enough for you and you knew it but you stayed with me just because of kids. What if someday you wake up and think that you screwed up marrying me again. What if you stop loving me again, and cheat. Chris, these what if's worry me so much and I don't know what to do anymore about them. The other day turning princess tea I though about it, the last time I went grocery shopping I though about it, I keep remembering it. I've forgiven you but I can't forget and I don't think I'll ever be able to forget it."

He stares at me in disbelief.

"I can't believe you don't trust me." He says coldly

"No, it's not like that. I didn't mean it like that, you should know what I mean."

"I'll be on the couch." He gets up from the bed taking his pillow and walks out of the room.

I stare at the door in disbelief, unsure of how to process what just happened.

CHRIS POV

I have my arm slung over Harper and I feel her start to move about. My eyes open slowly adjusting to the bedside lift she turned on

"Babe, which kid is it? I'll handle it you go back to bed." I sit up and rub my eyes sleepily. I have this nights of getting up with Owen or one of the girls but I do because I care and Harper spends all day with them being the amazing mother she is. 

"No, no kid. I woke up." She mutters

"Oh, mommy instinct of dominating about to happen?" This sentence doesn't really piece together in my head but I ask it anyways because I want to go back to bed.

"No, I had a dream about that night I found you, well you know."

She starts going off on some tangent about it and all I can think of is I hurt her badly that day. When she finishes I say something a bit going to sleep on the couch and I leave silently.

Once situated on the couch I let a tear slip out, I can't believe it. I don't think that something years and years ago would be this bad and hurt her this deeply. But, it is and I have to make every day right with her. I know when I left the room I said something about trust but she did nothing wrong and shouldn't have to live with this burden. I should and I'm going to fix this, make sure she knows that I'm here and not leaving for anything ever. I'm in it for the long run, period.