I sit in my car,feeling the depression iv been facing for these last few days.
I dont know what to do anymore... There isnt anything left,iv already ruined everything,i dont have Marshall anymore... I dont have my bestfriend,i havent had her for forever now. Michael isnt anywhere to be found,and- i just cant do this depression shit anymore. There is just so much hurting happening right mow,i cant think straight. I love marshall with everything i have,but my life was so much better when i was in school,with my best friend Hailie Scott mathers,and i go to her house and find her boring dad sitting on the couch. I cant look at him the same anymore.. There is too much feelings now,the feelings are spread across the floor.
I lay down and wipe the tears off my red face,sniffling up my nose and closing my eyes. This was real pain,mental pain. I made all these stupid decisions,and now i have to face them like the dumbass i am.
"Daddy...you probably don't approve of this,and you are probably so disappointed in me for this,but...im in love with Marshall. I know you're probably thinking i am just way to young,this is wrong,iv tried everything i could,but this war wont end and to be honest....i dont want it too... Because if the war ends" i say aloud huffing out a few sobs i had been holding in. "Marshall will be gone forever,and daddy i dont want that. You told him to take care of me and this is it,he is,or....was... Until i ruined it." I cry. The knot in my throat got bigger.
"But daddy please,tell god i need just one more chance...i need to fix this,make it okay again because this is the lowest of the low and daddy i cant handle it!" I cry out,the stinging of the tears were making my eyes more and more red. I hit the steering wheel in anger.
I sighed,catching my breath,finally closing my eyes one last time, finally drifting off to sleep.
//////
The mall was weird empty,i walked into hot topic wearing my new stuff. The girl i talked too stood,tired looking,checking the register.
"Oh heyy!" She cheered smiling brightly.
"Heyy,im ready" i sleepily announce,blinking a few times to get the blurriness out of my way.
"Good,right on time. Just fill out these,and then i will set you up with a name tag and such" she says giving me a few papers and a keychain im guessing for my nametag.
I filled out the papers and she gave me my name tag. I was all set up. She gave me my first job,which was putting shirts on the shelves,easyyyy.
She gave me a box and showed me how they fold the shirts,then she disappeared behind the counter. I saw that they were Blink 182 shirts,shrugging and folding them. After awhile i got the hang of it,doing really good!
//
It was halfway through the day,iv been filling shirts all day! Well,i filled up the bracelet thing,and the eyeliners..
"Erikia?" She asked
"Yes?"
"Unpack this box,and fold the shirts and stuff then you can go to lunch" she smiled. I nodded happily,and opened the box. My heart just broke and landed on the big box of eminem shirts that sat in front of me. I have to look at Marshall all day!?
I hold back the tears and fold the shirts.
"This is 92.1 with your latest hits" the radio said over the intercom.
"Eminems new songg, stronger then i was!" He announced. Really?!!
"You used to say that I'd never be nothing without you
And I believe I'm striding the roads, I guess I can't breathe
Just lay here with me, baby, hold me please
And I beg and I plead, drop to knees
And I cry and I'd scream, baby, please don't leave
Snatch the keys from your hand
I would squeeze and you'd laugh
And you'd tease, you're just fucking with me
And you must hate me
Why do you date me if you say I make you sick?
And you've had enough of me
I smother you, I'm 'bout to jump off the edge" he sang
"But you won't break me
You'll just make me stronger than I was
Before I met you, I bet you I'll be just fine without you
And if I stumble, I won't crumble
I'll get back up and uhhh
And I'mma still be humble when I scream fuck you
'Cause I'm stronger than I was" he sang again. My heart was breaking little by little every word he sang. Marshall dont write love songs...
This was about me....
I hold my mouth,the feeling of getting sick was taking over me.
"A beautiful face is all that you had
'Cause on the inside you're ugly, man
But you're all that I love" is the last thing I heard before i gave Gabbi my lunch notice and ran out of the store. I felt someone behind me,i ignored it and cried softly into my hands.
"Hey hey Erikia,why are you crying?" Someone asked me. I look up to see Jc looking sad.
"Um-" i sniffle
"Sorry,im just- i was having- uh" i studder. He grabbed my hand and brang me over to the chairs.
"Shhh its okay. Now,just calmly breath. Take your time,im here all day" he said smiling. I laugh and dry up my tears.
"I was just having an anxiety attack. What are you doing here still?" I asked
"I came by to see if my converse girl was here,and she is! But shes sad and i dont like that" he pouted.
"That was sweet of you Jc. Sorry im just....im stuck on this guy. He hates me now" i admit. He shakes his head.
"I dont know how anyone could hate you." He smoothly said taking my chin in his index and middle fingers.
Guysss 2nd updateeee yeyyyy.
Im doing good asfffff. And yush i used the song haha more probably tonight(or today wherever you live) AND im sorry im ising my phone so bad spelling lol OHHH
Look up Eminem-stronger than i was On youtube and its a fan made video,i was gonna add it but my phone sucks and wont let me
Its not my video,but i love it if the creater is reading this
