Book 2: My Complicated Romance with Derek Hale (Teen Wolf Fan Fic)

Kristin: Saying Goodbye Is Hard

(Previously: After Tane leaves to go to Brooklyn for a few days Kristin gets a call from her mother who informs Kristin that her Grams is in hospital. Kristin drives by Derek’s and lets him know and they visit Nora together who assumes they are dating. Kristin gets Derek to play along before she finds out Nora is dying. Kristin leaves Nora’s room unable to deal with the news and escapes to her car where Derek later joins her and tries convincing her to say goodbye to Nora.)

“Nora knows Kristin, forget the doctors. Nora is ready to move on.” Derek speaks as I continue to stare at the car ceiling. It’s really not that fascinating especially considering I can’t even make out the usual grey colour because of the lack of light.
I know I’m acting ridiculous but I feel like the longer I take to say goodbye, the longer Grams will stay with us. My Grams is back, finally back and I’m not ready to let go yet . . . Wow I’m selfish but I can’t help it. I’ve already lost my Grams and now I’m losing her all over again but this time forever.
There will be no visiting her. I’ll never see her again.
“I know I’m being horrible and selfish okay but . . . God you are so frustrating!!!” I fume as I get out of the car and slam the door behind me. I’m over feeling this way. I thought I had already dealt with losing Derek. I thought I was already over him and that I had moved on. Yet it is like nothing has changed in the past six years, like we never parted ways.
It’s not fair. I don’t want to care about anything Derek has to say. He shut me out for six years and now he is talking to me as if it didn’t happen. In a way I’m glad Derek didn’t leave me with contact information when he left for Brooklyn. It would’ve been even more devastating if he had never returned my calls or letters.
I guess I should be grateful.
“Hang on a second will you?” Derek asks as I start walking away from the hospital and towards the main road. Of course I don’t stop although Derek easily catches up with me and tugs on my arm forcing me to a halt.
Some people really can’t take a hint.
“Just leave me alone.” I turn my back on Derek as he faces me.
“What is going on with you right now? You are acting crazy.” Derek places his hands on my shoulders and forces me to face him. I try to be stubborn although his strength is far greater than mine.
If I was a werewolf I would so kick his ass right about now and I would enjoy every minute of it!
“You think this is crazy? This isn’t even 5% of how crazy I can be!” I cross my arms over my chest as Derek continues to hold my shoulders making sure I can’t escape. If I really feel like being cruel there is always the option of kicking him between the legs.
“So this is how you are going to deal by projecting all your anger onto me?” Derek asks and I scoff.
“You deserve it.”
“I get it okay, you hate me but you can’t just ignore what is happening right now.” Derek snaps.
“You really don’t get it do you. I want to hate you so bad for what you did, for shutting me out completely but, but . . . Will you just give me a minute. I just need a minute to myself. Is that okay with you?!” I try not to yell but the frustration is getting the better of me and I literally want to scream at the top of my lungs.
“Fine but just so you know it wasn’t easy for me. I made the decision because I thought it was the best thing for you.” Derek replies and I’m reminded of when I shot him with the arrow and he said I was better off without him.
“Why?” I ask as Derek’s arms retreat back to his sides. It can’t just be the werewolf thing. It’s not like he ever mauled me or anything.
I still don’t understand how Derek shutting me out was the best thing for me.
“What happened to needing a minute to yourself?” He asks changing the subject and I roll my eyes. Of course he goes back to being completely guarded such a typical guy move. Why do I even bother?
Maybe it’s because you ripped out his heart all those years ago when you broke up with him. You know before the fire killed his family. My inner voice suggests and I feel the annoyance start to subside. I guess we are even, we both hurt each other.
Wow we are such a great pair.
NOT.
“I guess I deserve it.” I shrug in defeat. They say that even bad things happen to good people as well as bad people, but bad things seem to be happening all the time. If I really think about it I’d say the first major thing to go wrong was my parent’s divorce. I was forced to leave my father and move with my mother. Then it would be the attack by the Alpha wolf Julian followed by the kidnapping when I was 17 where Derek nearly died, and then Derek’s family dying and Derek leaving for Brooklyn followed by my Grams deteriorating. Then Tina and Phoebe moved here with Tane. Derek returned to Beacon Hills. I was nearly killed by the new Alpha in town. Then I found the bus driver mauled on the bus and finally Grams is dying.
It’s a sign that I’m a bad person oh and I forgot about the two years hunting which I don’t think I should really be punished for. We were doing the world a favour by dealing with the bad werewolves. The ones that ripped people apart but I guess it doesn’t matter.
What if it’s my fault Grams is dying. What if this is another punishment for me, and my Grams is the innocent victim paying for my bad karma?
“Deserve it?” Derek asks and I can hear the confusion in his voice.
“It’s my fault.” I mumble as the realisation hits me. It’s obvious that I’m the one to blame. Maybe I’m the one that should have moved to the other side of the country, maybe then Grams would have recovered instead of getting worse.
“No it’s not Kristin, you are just looking for someone to blame, someone that you can punish but it’s not your fault.” Derek’s voice becomes distant as everything becomes fuzzy and unrecognisable.
Will you snap out of it you’re acting pathetic and weak, we’re stronger than this! My inner voice yells out demanding my attention.
Am I or have I just been acting strong and tough? What if I’m not strong at all? How am I meant to deal and cope with losing someone I love? What if I can’t? Why do I always have to be the strong and mature one?
What would my father think if he could see me right now? Would he be ashamed of me and disappointed?
“Your Grams needs you right now Kristin- snap out of it. Blaming yourself is just a waste of time and energy. It’s not your fault.” Derek’s voice seems to be getting more distant with each word.
Derek is right at least about Grams needing me but I can't shake off the feeling that it’s my fault, and that I have a terrible grey cloud constantly following me around acting as my karma which seems to be more bad than good.
I really am pathetic and weak.
“Kristin, Kristin . . .” Derek’s voice is barely a whisper as my mind continues to take me away.
Enough already! Derek is right and you know it. Blaming yourself isn’t going to help the situation. Sometimes bad things just happen and it is no one’s fault and you know this so just hurry up and have your break down or whatever and get back in the hospital! My inner voice demands but it’s not that easy.
What am I meant to say to her? Goodbye forever and sorry you are dying but hey have fun in werewolf heaven. Do werewolves even have a separate heaven? What if Heaven isn’t just one giant place? What if the other stories are true and that everyone has their own private heaven then I will literally never ever see Grams again ever. At least not the real her. Not that it matters I mean killing is a sin right no matter the situation, whether you are killing innocent people or guilty murders.
I’m going straight to hell.
Well that is depressing.
Wait what is going on? I feel pressure on my lips and as I snap back to reality I feel the warmness of Derek’s mouth on mine while his hands cup my face. The shock hits me first followed by lust and excitement. The very two things I should not be feeling in response to Derek.
How am I meant to explain this to Tane, and why haven’t I pulled away yet? This can’t really be happening.
“You need to go talk to Nora.” Derek speaks after he pulls his lips away from mine and both the disappointment and relief hit me at the same time.
“I know.” I reply embarrassed by my mini mental break down. It has never happened before. I’ve never lost someone I love before. I don’t know how to deal with it. “You know you could have just slapped me silly?” I add.
“I did slap you as hard as I could without leaving behind a mark.”
At least he kept his tongue in his mouth. It doesn’t make the kiss so bad right? I mean it wasn’t really a kiss. There are people that greet friends that way which makes the kiss Derek and I shared practically nothing more than a kiss on the cheek. Tane doesn’t even need to know about it.
“Oh well maybe next time try harder.” I reply before I start making my way back to the hospital. Of course with each step I take my heart starts to race more and more as the grief tries to take hold of me again.
“You’re welcome.” Derek calls out behind me although I don’t reply. If I break my focus I know my determination will falter.
Even just the thought of Grams being gone is enough to make my heart break. I have no idea how I’m going to say goodbye. Maybe I should take a couple of minutes to prepare what I’m going to say, coffee might also do me the world of good right now.
No I have to do this. I can do this. As I round the corner to Grams room I pause just before the door. My mother is telling Grams that Alex will be calling soon and that he is in the middle of something meaning he is in the middle of a hunt most likely.
After taking many deep breaths I finally manage to walk into the room and mom and Belle leave immediately giving Grams and I privacy. Each step I take towards her bed is accompanied with a sharp pain in my chest, almost enough to make me turn around and leave but I force myself to stay.
“I was hoping you would come back.” Grams smiles as I take a seat beside her bed and take her hand. Immediately I am fighting to hold back the tears that are relentlessly trying to surface against my will.
“I just needed a minute.” I force a smile.
“I’m sorry I have to leave you but don’t worry I’ll always be with you even when you don’t want me to be.” Grams squeezes my hand as the first wave of tears begin to fall down my face.
It hurts everywhere as if I’m stuck in a vice that is crushing my body with each minute that passes by.
“I don’t want you to go, please don’t leave me,” I beg.
“I promise I will always be with you Kristin. I love you more than you know,” Grams kisses the back of my hand as I try to hold back more tears from streaming down my face. The last thing I want to do is flood the hospital.
“I love you too, you know I forgave you years ago right?” I ask. The last thing I want is Grams to pass on thinking I’m still holding a grudge over the whole Julian thing.
“I know and I don’t deserve it, but I’m so glad and grateful that you took care of me for so long. I understand why you had to put me in care. I’m sorry I wasted so much time stuck in my own little world. I didn’t mean to hurt any of you.” Grams apologises.
“I know I’m just glad to hear your voice again.” I reply and grab a few tissues blowing my nose before it gets the chance to run, that’s the last thing I need.
“I’m so proud of you Kristin, you are such a strong and independent woman. Not even the sky is the limit for you.”
“I have great role models,” I smile glad I have gained back some control of my body. The tears aren’t falling so rapidly anymore. I swear it’s like my eyelids retain so many of the tears, they literally swell and almost double in size although the pain is still there unfortunately gripping my whole body and crushing me slowly and painfully.
“I think it’s more to do with the fact that you were born with greatness. Now I was thinking you should call your mom and tell her to get us some snacks.”
Born with greatness? I don’t know about that.
“Sure that sounds good to me.” I grab a tissue and dry my face before I grab out my phone and pass on the message to my mother. A junk food goodbye party doesn’t sound that depressing oh god why did I say goodbye party?!
Enough tears, go away at least for now.
Needing a quick distraction I walk over to the window and sneak a peek at the parking lot to see if Derek is still hanging around although his car is gone. I guess that’s a good thing, I mean he’s said his goodbye and there is no reason for him to hang around. It’s not like we are friends anymore.

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