Poisonous love// tom Kaulitz

Its a part of who you are

The next few weeks everything where back like it used to be. I had forgiven him, yet it was still a bit hard to trust him.

Every time he was out I waited for him to get home, asking why he came home so late. I could see he where tired of it.

" yes well it isn't me who have fucked Someone else" I shout as he takes of his jacket.
He rubbed his head with his hand as he just kept waking.
" what do you want me to do lil?" He say calm
I rolled my eyes, it was like it didn't matter if he slept with someone else then me. " I should go and fuck you brother maybe, how would that feel?" I say making him stop and turn around.

I meet his eyes, they scared me. " what did you just say?" He walked closer to me making me roll my eyes. " I said I should go and fuck Bill" I looked at his eyes, how they changed within a second, from so loving to so dark.

He came so close to my face, screaming making me close my eyes hard like if I waited for him to punsh me, I opened my eyes as I saw him just looking at me, his eyes where soft and sad at the same time.
I wasn't scared of Tom, of course not, he would never hurt me but My fathers abuse would never leave me. It was stuck like a deep scar in my body.

" I'm sorry Tom" I say as I look up at him. He shakes his head " no it's okay" he kissed me as he lifted me up on the counter top of my kitchen.

" slow down tom" I say in between moans as he trusts himself in and out, he let out a sigh " I have to show you who is better fucking Lilly" he said making his voice spread throughout my body as his hand pulled my hips against him. " fuck I love you" he says as I feel him finish. I smile and kiss his shoulder. " I love you too Tom" I say as I was breathing heavy and fast. He smiled and kissed my head. " I'm sorry for screaming at you" he says, " no it's okay, I shouldn't have said that" I look at him as I take his hand in mine, kiss it gently. " let's get you down from there" he says and lifts me down from the counter.
" I'm just gonna get you a shirt" he says and soon comes back with a t-shirt of his.

I smiled but it faded, it was like sex was necessary after we had fought. Like if it was something he could take out his anger in...because I saw it, I saw how his hand turned into a fist every time, I saw the anger in his eyes...I knew he was messed up, I knew he could hit me, but he didn't, instead he took it out as we fucked, I noticed it as it was always hard and rough, I could almost feel the anger in him.

" what are you thinking about?" He smiles making me look at him " uh nothing just zooned out" I smile and gives him a kiss.

We lay in my bed. My head on his bare chest, " Tom" I say low " Mm" he only lets out.
" would you ever hurt me?" I say low almost without thinking, I felt him almost freeze as his breathing stopped " no..no of course not Lilly, I would never hurt you". He brushes his hand over my head " why would you ask such a thing?"
" I'm sorry..."
" no don't be, I know what you had to go through under those years, I would never put you through that again" he says soft
" I know, I,I don't know what I was thinking"

" you haven't told me much, how it was" he says making me open my eyes. " I don't think I could ever put words into it" I say as I think back to the years of abuse. " he had to favorites, a Belt or his hand" I feel tears form " Lilly you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to" he say as he pull me up and see the tears. " no I think I have to, I have never told anyone how it really was, yes some know he hit me but never how or much"
" it started when my mother left, first he said it was an accidents, then it happened again, it could be one day, two days, it could go weeks but it would never stop" I look at him, at the man I loved. " I,I remember the feeling every time someone touches or I even touch the scars, the feeling is stuck, I try to get it to go away but I can't, it's like a shadow that will always follow me but no one will ever see, because he knew where to do it, where no one would see" I burst into tears making Tom pull me to his chest, brush his hand over my head, kissing me until I had stopped crying.

He kissed my scars, it was a unpleasant feeling but I knew he did it out of love. " your scars is a part of who you are Lilly, and I love every part of you"