Fake Boyfriend | A JinKook Story

Chapter 47

After talking to the therapist, Jin did not talk to Jungkook. Jungkook tried to approach him but he respected him when Jin asked for an alone time.

He went to his office immediately to turn his attention to something else. He can't be unproductive because of Jungkook again.

His day went by with him being so busy with all his meetings and files he had to review.

Once he was done completing the last file he received for the day, he looked at the clock and saw that it's already 6 in the evening.

He allowed Ms. So to leave 1 hour ago and he forgot the time already. He was successful in making himself busy. He decided that it will be too much for the day.

As soon as he rode his car, he had a different place he wants to go so he decided to turn his wheels.

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Jin's POV

As soon as I arrived at his home, I didn't know really what to say. I don't even know why I'm even here. I just know that based on my therapy earlier, I really need to talk to him.

I ring his bell and he opened the door immediately.

"J--Jin... what are you doing here?"

"Why didn't you tell me everything?" Jin asked.

"Get inside. Let's talk?" He said and I followed.

As soon as we are settled on his couch, he brought me water and breathe out.

"Jungkook visited me earlier after your therapy."

"Why didn't you tell me what happened, Taehyung?"

"What would you do if you knew everything? You'll hurt yourself again? You'll wait for him again even without an assurance that he'll be back?"

"You knew he will be back! You knew what he was planning." I said standing up and shouting at Tae.

"I didn't know all, Jin." He said to me with equal amount of voice coming out of his lungs. "He didn't tell me everything."

"But you knew he loves me." I suddenly felt like seating on the couch again because I felt weak speaking those words.

Taehyung looked at me and held my hand.

"I can't do it. I can't say it to you and have you running to him. I just can't... I can't see you being hurt by him over and over again."

"Why, Taehyung? I have trusted you." This time I felt tears flowing down my face when I looked at him.

"Because... Jin.... I---i love you."

I was surprised hearing it from him suddenly. If there is, I hoped he have told me this before I went to the therapist, before I saw Jungkook again, before I even knew what Jungkook feels for me. Because now, I feel like my brain is doing cartwheel inside my head. I feel so dizzy.

"I'm sorry, Jin. I don't want to hurt you, I swear."

"Why are just saying this now?"

He removed his hold on my hand. He put his head down then looked back at me.

"I'm saying this not because I want you to love me. I'm saying this because I want to be clear to you. I can see how much you love Jungkook and I know that once he's back, you will feel different for him. I can't find it in you to move past him. I tried, but after a year of us dating, I realized that anything about Jungkook can change you even if he's not here. But you can't change in me that I want to still be there for you. I can't leave you feeling all the pain alone.

"I'd rather feel also the pain as long as I get to be with you. I don't care if you won't love me back, I just want to be closer to you than anyone else.

"I have been selfish and instead of helping you out of your sorrows, I made you dependent on me. I'm sorry, Jin."

He looked at me again. How many emotions should one person can actually take in a day? This is really painful but Dr. Song is right, we need to talk about this through to finally free our hearts. Looking at Taehyung right now, I realized that I never really paid much attention to his pain.

When I thought that people used me, here I am also using him for my own sanity without realizing that he's also fading away. How did we end up doing these things to each other?

I held his hand. I can't be selfish anymore.

"You're not selfish, Tae. I was the one who was selfish. I hurt you thinking only about my own happiness. I put all the blame to other people without realizing that I did all the pain myself. I'm still a long way to go with the therapy that I'm going through and right now I really don't understand what I am feeling. But one thing I am sure..." i breathe out the air that I am holding in. "I love you, too, Taehyung." He looked at me with surprised eyes. "If there is one thing I am sure of right now, it's that I am in love with you." I said looking at him. "I am not saying this just because I want you to stay and I guess it's just right that I did not say this before not also because I want us to be in a relationship. I want you to know how I feel for you.

"You are right, it's not as much as what I felt for Jungkook. It's also not the same love I felt with Namjoon. I guess love really differs from every person.

"I love you because you are there supporting me with all your heart, never leaving me especially during those toughest times, and you're the only one who made me feel very special even when I thought I can't be anyone's special person.

"I love you due to many things, Taehyung. But I'm sorry if I can't give all my heart to you.

"Sometimes no matter how we ask our hearts to love someone we should, we realize that it just won't happen. I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to hurt you more with the burden I have inside me."

I looked at his eyes and smiled at him.

"I want you to stay in my life like we used to before we made this a struggle for the both of us. I want us to remain friends but I don't want you to push yourself to do it. You can stay if you want and you can ignore me, too, for the meantime. I'll let you be, Tae. I'll let you decide to what really makes you happy."

I hugged him and kissed his cheek. He did not react at all.

When i felt like he won't tell me anything, I stood up. "I'll let you think for now. Please message me whenever you can."

I was about to leave but he held my hand. He stood up to face me, held my face and kissed me on my lips. I was surprised with what he did.

I closed my eyes leaning more on the kiss but when I felt his tears on my face I opened my eyes and looked at him. He was also looking at me.

He pulled away from the kiss and hugged me tight.

"I love you so much, Jin!" He said and cried on my shoulder. "I love you to the point that I want to let you go because I know you won't be happy with me no matter what I do."

I cried again with what he said and sobbed on his shoulder.

I realized that love is more painful than anything else. Love is tricky. Love will never be what you've always wanted. Why is love so complicated? Why is it not possible to teach your heart whom to love?

I just let myself cry more on his shoulders feeling like this might be the saddest time I've ever been with Taehyung. I guess this is just the first time that we were really honest with each other, not fearing that we might let go. We were dependent on each other but after this, not anymore. We are setting each other free.