all i've ever dreamed about for the last couple months was going public with our relationship, placing it at the top of my priority. i wanted to shout to the world "i'm in love with dokyeom!", because every day gets harder and harder. both of us waited patiently, keeping it a secret from the outside world. everyone who knew us personally knew, and constantly praised us in phrases like 'you guys are soulmates' and 'you are the cutest together'. let's just say it gave us a bit of false hope for how the rest of it would go. we went public about a week ago, and the reception has been iffy, for lack of a better word. the carats have been amazing for the most part, the real ones, of course, having said nothing but sweet things, and i thank them everyday for that. but as predicted, the other half was absolutely dreadful. i've been receiving death threats, horrendous insults, you name it. i thought it wouldn't bother me, because as long as i have dk none of it really matters. however, after a couple days it has started to pierce through my thick skin.
dokyeom, bless his sweet heart, has been trying his hardest to shield me from it. he tries to make sure i don't go on social media and read what they have to say. he distracts me everyday, staying true to his optimistic tendencies and shedding a light on the situation. however, i know its bothering him too, even though he's trying to hide it deep in the shadows and stay strong for me.
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i put my empty plate in the sink and make my way towards the stairs, wanting to do nothing but collapse onto the bed and stay there forever. as i drudge myself up the incline one by one, i notice that the bedroom light is on. i quietly walk in, and stop in my tracks when i see dokyeom sitting on the bed, his back to the door. from where i'm standing i can see his phone screen, where he's furiously scrolling through twitter, my name being thrown around like an insult. i don't even need to see his face, i know he's crying. his back moves up and down rapidly, exposing his quick breaths. small hiccups travel from his mouth as sniffles break them up every so often. my heart breaks into a million pieces, wishing that i didn't bring this burden upon him. i leave the room, attempting not to cry myself. i walk quietly back down a few stairs, and then head back up, treading louder so he knows i'm coming. once i get to the bedroom door i knock on the frame before entering. he brings his hand up to his face and wipes, before turning around to look at me. my heart breaks again as the forced smile he's pulling, trying to pretend like its okay.
"hi baby" he says, tossing his phone on the bed and standing up quickly, like he's been caught doing something bad. "wanna get that movie started?" he says, referring to our prearranged nighttime plans. he walks past me, and out the door downstairs. we never really talk about it again.
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today is our first real appearance, flying from Seoul to Japan for promotion. i haven't slept in the last 2 days as i'm bursting at the seems with anxiety. i told dokyeom i would fly separately, and we didn't have to make such a big announcement like this. i told him its probably better off for him if we just leave it at that. he told me thats nonsense, and that he doesn't want to go without me. i sigh, buckling up for what might happen.
we're sitting in the back of the van thats driving us to the airport, crammed in with some of the other members. my leg bounces up and down, seemingly annoying everyone who notices. no one says anything, and i can't keep it still. dk gently places his hand on my thigh, giving me a squeeze. i stop the bouncing, looking over at him. he has a dorky smile, one that i think should be in a museum. i mirror his smile, feeling as its impossible not to due to his its extreme levels of contagiousness.
"what are you listening to?" he asks, referring to the AirPods in my ears. he pokes my ear, making me giggle. i needed something to calm me down, and music was a sure fire way to do that. i can tell he's dying to start up a conversation, a list ditch effort to get me out of my head.
