falling like the stars, sam winchester [ 3 ]

037. talk

"Okay, what the hell?" Dean questions.

"I know." Sam sighs.

"I told you something was off with him since he got back from Purgatory." Dean says.

"So, what, you think someone's messing with him or something?"

"Who?"

"Who the fuck cares?" Miranda mutters.

"Angels?" Sam suggests.

"Why would the angels have him kill another angel?" Dean asks. Sam shrugs.

"Look, I, uh... I'm gonna take a walk. Clear my head." Sam says.

"Okay." Dean mutters.

"Randi." Sam calls. She looks at him, understanding the look in his eye, realizing he wants to talk.

"We're not leaving him in charge of our children." Miranda states, pointing to Dean.

"Rude." Dean mutters.

"They starve when they're left with you, Dean." Miranda says.

"I get 'em some sort of crap to stuff in them." Dean says, both parents rolling their eyes.

"They can come, too. Play while we... talk." Sam says.

"Fine." She mumbles.

+++

The kids are wandering around and playing while Miranda and Sam are sitting on a large rock.

"Okay, before you start with your very long apology... we're gonna discuss the thing we can both agree on." Miranda says.

"Which would be..." Sam trails off.

"You're not going to college. We're not living a normal. You won't let yourself. Maybe you're not super duper attached to Dean, but you are super attached to Dean. Even if you don't wanna be. Even if you try not to be. And you're not gonna let him and Kevin closing the Gates of Hell alone. You're gonna help. It's just part of who you are. So we can avoid that whole conversation cause we both know we're not leaving."

"Yeah." Sam nods.

"So... go on." Miranda says.

"I'm sorry." Sam tells her. "I don't trust Benny. And-- and I will admit that part of it is probably to do with Dean and Amy. But if Benny is killing--"

"Which he wasn't."

"But when he kills--"

"If he kills. And if he does ever kill, go ahead. Put him down. But make sure you're certain first."

"I will." Sam promises. "And I do trust you... more than I trust anybody else. I just... I was mad. I'm mad a lot lately. And I know that's no excuse, I just-- I can't control it sometimes. And I hate when you become the target, I try not to make you the target since it's never actually for you. I-I mean, these past couple days, it kind of was, but I-- I shouldn't have said that I don't trust you. Or not said it. Whatever."

"I do trust you. And you're right. We let a nest go years ago. I let Amy go. So I... I guess people do change."

"Yeah... I might run off and have little vampire babies."

Sam rolls his lips into his mouth, awkward smiling.

"That-- that was out of line." Sam says.

"Just that?" She questions.

"I'm sorry, Miranda. Really." He tells her, looking into her eyes. "And I know you're probably still at least somewhat pissed with me. I get it. I would be, too. Honestly, I'm surprised you haven't slapped me by now."

"It's been a very strong urge." Miranda admits.

"And I deserve it." Sam says. "I should've listened to you more. But you need to know that I do have my beliefs and opinions on people or-- or monsters or whatever. And they might be different from yours."

"I know. But you shouldn't kill anything without having all the proof that they need killing." Miranda says. "You used to be the cooler, more sympathetic one about all this shit."

"I know." Sam mumbles. "I just... some of it might be jealous."

"Of what? I do not have some sort of weird crush on Benny or some shit. After Purgatory and aside from the other day, I haven't talked to him. I don't keep in touch with him like Dean does. I don't care that much. He helped us out and I'm thankful for that, but I don't need to continue forming a bond. He helped us get out of Purgatory, he is an acquaintance." Miranda says. "And if it weren't for him, Dean and I wouldn't be here. I know you don't know him very well, but he's not as bad as you think."

"I'm sorry." Sam tells her again. "If I make up for this, you still mad?"

"Depends. You gonna go and do any more reckless, stupid shit?"

"Probably." Sam nods. Miranda rolls her eyes, ignoring her lips quirking up a bit.

"Yeah." She mumbles.

"I love you, though. And-- and I know that that doesn't automatically fix everything. You have every right to be pissed for however long you want to be. I just... I want us to stop fighting."

"Then stop being an idiot." Miranda remarks.

"Noted." Sam says.

Miranda leans over and kisses him on the cheek.

"Oh, and, by the way... I tend to just like guys my age. So Benny was never an option anyway." She winks at him.