shameless killers | billie eilish

[4] vulnerable

!!self harm talks!!

arianna miller

"yeah and i think she left, i'm not actually sure" i tell hazel.

"what do you mean you think she left?!" she questions.

"all i remember is being in the car. i think i fell asleep or something in her car before we got back to mine" i say.

"oh, i also remember telling her to stay? because i'm really fucking like, i don't know- clingy? when i'm drunk. i don't know if she did stay or not because when i woke up she wasn't there" i shrug.

"girl you're crazy. just please stay away from her okay? she's not a good person" hazel warns me.

"whatever" i say and continue eating.

i'm not really bothered by billie. she's not intimidating to me at all.

it's like she's got everyone wrapped around her finger here.

all hail queen billie or some shit.

we finish up our food and hazel goes to join the rest of the group at the benches but i stay inside. i gotta pee and fix my hair before classes start again.

i enter the bathroom and im met with billie and a random girl eating each others faces off.

i verbally scoff making billie snap her head towards me. i don't pay her any mind and walk into a stall.

i listen closely to the conversation they begin to have.

"no just fucking leave bro" billie says.

"i thought you loved me? you told me that" the girl says, she sounds hurt.

"yeah yeah, you're just a quick fuck. now fuck off" billie says. what the fuck?

the girl scoffs and leaves.

i flush the toilet and walk out, going to wash my hands. billies still stood there, on her phone.

"can you move please?" i ask her because she's in the way of the dryer. "no" she says, still looking at her phone.

"okay then" i say and push her out of the way.

"dude what the fuck?!" she says. "you weren't moving" i shrug as i dry my hands.

suddenly i'm being pushed against the sink.

i groan in pain because she literally fucking threw me, that's gonna leave a mark.

"who the fuck you think you are huh?" billie says all up in my face.

"listen you're pretty and all but it's not really cute when you're all up in my face" i tell her.

it's really fucking hot.

she sucks her teeth and clenches her jaw.

"give me one good reason not to fuck you up right now" she says, gripping my throat. not that hard though.

"i don't know, but can you take your hand off my neck i'm like low-key into that shit" i joke.

she rolls her eyes and scoffs, throwing me to the floor by me literal NECK.

"i know damn well you didn't just throw me" i say and get straight back up. i throw a punch at her which catches her completely off guard.

"others may take your shit billie but i'm not one of them. don't think you can get all up in my face. i'm not scared of you, grow the fuck up" i say and walk out of the bathroom.

honestly i wouldn't mind if i just got the urge to kill her one day.

the bell rings and i go to my next class.

halfway through i realise i left my fucking phone in the bathroom.

i raise my hand and i ask to go to the bathroom. once i've been given permission i leave out the class and head to the bathroom.

i open the door and enter.

"oh my god" i gasp at the sight in front of me.

"billie-" i say. im completely speechless.

i see my phone sitting at the sink and i quickly grab it as i rush over to billie.

she's laying on the floor bleeding out from her wrist.

i could see in her eyes when i entered that she's really embarrassed that i'm seeing her like this but i don't think she can even move.

i grab some toilet paper and apply pressure to her wrist. it's really bad.

"billie what the fuck are you okay" i ask.

"take me home" she says.

"no you need to go to the nurse or something. this shits bad" i tell her.

"fucking take me home" she demands.

i sigh and help her get stable. i wrap toilet paper around her wrist and pull her sleeve down so people don't see.

we walk out the school and to the parking lot.

we get to my car and i make sure she gets in the passenger seat okay before i get in the driver seat and speed off.

she tells me her address and i put it into my gps.

"what the fuck happened billie" i question.

"nothing, it's none of your fucking business" she snaps.

i decide not to reply because of the state she's in.

i don't know how she's not dead because there was a literal pool of blood around her arm.

we get to her house and we get inside. she directs me to her room.

"do you have anything i can clean it with?" i ask.

"it's fine- i don't need your help" she says as she puts some pressure on her arm.

"oh my god" i groan. i leave out her room and find her bathroom. i find a first aid kit and go back to her room.

"what did i fucking say" she says.

"shut up" i tell her.

i get the alcohol wipes out and clean her cut. she sucks her teeth and balls up her fists.

after im done i go put everything away.

"what happened?" i ask.

she stays silent and all of a sudden breaks down.

oh no.

i quickly hug her and she just completely falls apart. i feel bad honestly.

"i just cant do it anymore" she cries.

"sh it's okay" i tell her.

i'm surprised she never threw me against the all and yelled at me yet.

i gently lay her down in her bed.

she looks so exhausted. i turn off the light and lay next to her.

"thank you" she says through tears. this is a side of billie i never thought i would've seen.

i turn to my side so i'm not facing her. suddenly she grabs my waist and pulls me close to her, spooning me.

i hear soft sobs come from her for a while before she falls asleep.

i never thought billie could be so vulnerable.

(a/n): a little sad one.

- leila.