MY FAKE ROMANCE WITH THE HOTTEST GUY IN SCHOOL

CHAPTER 105: CONFESSION OF LOVE

I really hate what has become of me and Tom.  It's just awkward now, and tense.  I know a lot of it is my fault.  I've been so obsessed with the fact that I'm probably going to be losing him in a few weeks.  I hate that about myself.  I wish I could just wait until the time comes to break up then be upset. Instead I have felt sick, and become obsessed with losing Tom.

I just feel pain deep inside and just makes me sad picturing my life in a few weeks without Tom. I'm not sure how I can survive it.  I didn't mean to, and even realize it, but I guess I shut down on Tom.  That is probably why it's so awkward now and tense. Or maybe it's awkward because I am dreading having this conversation.

Tom had just said, "Madison, I didn't know you would be in here."  Then we just stare at each other.  

I said, "we were supposed to switch me and Mike." 

Tom said, "I know that."  He didn't just say it, he almost yelled it.

I don't blame him for being sick of me. I'm sure that when he thought up this big idea of getting a fake girlfriend to get back at Tara, he didn't count on all the baggage I brought to him. My mom, having to have me move in with him. No wonder he is snapping at me, and angry.

I was trying hard to not stare at him, especially the towel covering him up. But it was so hard, and I know my eyes kept looking there.

Tom said, "I'll go put some clothes on."

I said, "Thanks"   Tom leaves.

Everything in this moment is getting to me.  My fears of losing Tom, the awkwardness, how it used to be so easy to talk to him, and now it seems hard, Tom not talking to me all day, and not looking happy to see me or excited to see me.  Maybe he has changed his mind and doesn't want me to stay in the room. Great Tara will really love that. She and all her friends probably already think that Tom is going to be breaking up with me soon, based on how little he talked to me today, and didn't even kiss me. I'm sure they are all gossiping about it. 

I can't keep the tears from falling. I knew that when this fake dating deal would end, I'd be embarrassed because I knew Tara and the whole school would be talking about it. The only thing good about it is that school would be out, and I'd never have to face any of them again. I wasn't counting on us having to break up before school was out.

Tom comes out in his jeans, and no shirt. Damn that man is so hot. It's like he gets hotter by the minute.

I said, "just tell me now Hanson, if you changed your mind and don't want me in here, then that's ok, I'll find a room. I have my credit card."  I get up crying and am going to hurry to the door.  I hate that I can't control my tears. I don't want to cry in front of him. He is the sweetest man I've ever met, and he doesn't deserve that. I don't want him to feel bad. It's not his fault I fell in love with him.

Tom grabbed my arm, spinning me around to him.  Tom thinks why is it so hard to talk to her now. I mean it used to be so easy.

Tom said, "I didn't say that I changed my mind, or that I didn't want you in here. Dammit, I don't know where you got that idea, all I said was I didn't know you were here. I just didn't know that you were already here. I was planning on coming and getting you."

I said, "oh well I didn't know."  Tom snapped, "What does that mean" I said, " I mean you barely said two words to me on the bus, actually all day long."  I was crying.

Tom ran his hands through his hair.  He raised his voice.  He said, "yeah well only because you shut me out all the damn time, not talking, not trusting me to tell me what's wrong, and let's not forget there's Jay" I said, "Jay what does he have to do with anything" Tom raised his voice louder, "never mind about him" I raised my voice, I said, "you're the one who brought him up. Not me."