MY FAKE ROMANCE WITH THE HOTTEST GUY IN SCHOOL

CHAPTER 104: SENIOR TRIP

Time has gone so fast, I wish it would slow down.  It is May.  We leave for senior trip this Saturday.  I have been stressing over this trip.  Tom keeps asking me what's wrong. How do I tell him? That on this trip I'm going to ask him if he wants to be a real couple, and if he says no, I'm going to beg him to make love to me.  Let's face it, I'm not sure I will have the nerve to ask him to do that.

  Emma keeps telling me to not worry and not stress over it. That I can't change the results by worrying and stressing. She is right. I can't change it. Either he wants to be with me or he doesn't. And if he doesn't want a real relationship now after almost a year together, then I have to accept that.  Emma keeps telling me that she thinks it will all work out, how it's supposed to.  That it's fate one way or another. If Tom is the love of my life, then he will want to be a real couple.  If he's not, then there's another man out there for me.  I don't want any other man though, so I'm not sure she's right about that.

Tom's point of view.  Time is going way too fast. How is it May already? Why didn't I set our fake breakup until August? Then the pressure wouldn't be getting to me. This Saturday we leave for our senior trip.  Since I got to this school, I have looked forward to being a senior, to taking this senior trip. I mean a week out of school, no parents, 

If someone would have told me a year ago, that when it's time for my senior trip, I'd be scared to death, and nervous, almost dreading it, I'd never have believed it. But last year I never would have believed I could have fallen so deeply in love. So in love that I think I'm going to die if I lose her. 

How could Madison do this to me, I mean make me feel all this.  Love is great, exciting, no feeling like it, but it hurts when the one you are so in love with, doesn't love you back.  I don't know that Madison doesn't love me like that, but I worry that she doesn't. My dad always said that it does no good to worry about a situation. Worry and stress just adds to your problems, you can't change it by worrying.  I know that. But I can't seem to stop.

I am going to find out  Saturday evening, after we check in and get settled in the hotel. One way or the other I will know how Madison feels about me, whether she would consider dating me for real.

  I've tried practicing over and over how I am going to ask her.  I've even had Mike listen to my speech.  I'm going to tell her how I didn't think it was possible that I could fall in love, but I did. How I know that I'm not good enough for her, but I'll do anything if she will give me a chance to be her boyfriend. How I will never hurt her.  I don't want her to feel pressured, or to feel like she needs to date me for real, if she's not wanting to. I have to get this right. Say the right thing, not mess up.  

But I'm scared. I mean my heart races, I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about having this conversation with her. Because what if she says no, or what if by the look on her face, I see I've upset her. Madison is so sweet, that if she doesn't feel the same way, she will feel bad for hurting me. And I don't want her to say she wants to be with me, just so that I'm not hurt, I need her to be honest with how she feels.

  Every time that I've tried to tell her, something bad has happened.  Tara overdosing, my dad being murdered.  My dad was right, he urged me to tell her at the beginning, but I didn't. He said the longer I put it off, the more pressure I'm going to feel, and the harder it's going to be on me to tell her.  I thought that June was a long ways off, but now it's almost here.  I have to tell her on this trip.

I just wish I knew what was upsetting her.  I wish she trusted me enough to tell me. Why won't she tell me?  Is she just not wanting me to worry. Doesn't she know that when she is upset, I can see it, and her not telling me what it is, makes me worry.  I know that she's stressing about track.  With each race, each meet, she is feeling more pressure, like she thinks she has to be perfect, and win every race.  Actually she has won every race, but the last few races, she did have competition, it was at the last second that she took the lead.  I want her to win gold at state for her. But I'm proud of her no matter what.