CHAPTER 39: MISSING YOU

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We were driving in silence. Emma had even turned the radio off.  She drove to a park, and then parked.  She said, "before we go to the hotel, I thought we could talk, if you want, if you don't, we can just sit here. I just know my mom will probably be full of questions, especially since you've been crying. I wanted to give you time" I nodded.

She said, "how are you doing?"  

I said, 'embarrassed. I made a fool of myself again but this time in front of Tom's friends, his teammates. his parent's friends"

 She said, "honey you were upset. It will be ok."

I said, "I don't know. that it will."

  She said, 'You mean with Tom? 

 I said, "yes, I think I need to end this" 

Emma said, "Madison, I know you're hurt, and embarrassed, but Tom told you that you didn't hear all that happened, you don't have the facts. How can you end this without hearing him out. Please don't do something you will regret. And I think if you end this with him, you will regret it."

I said, "I don't want to. But when I saw him going to kiss her, it hurt so bad. I love him. I tried not to, but I have fallen harder every day."  

She said, "ok technically she kissed him."

  I said, "I know."  

She said, "Madison I think he cares for you. That is obvious. He was panicked and upset when you wouldn't come home. He says that you have the wrong idea on what happened."

I said, "ok so what, he beat Brad up, attacked him, because he insulted me. That makes it worse, or at least just as bad. I knew Tom would get picked on, mocked. He thinks it's ok, he can handle it. But he shouldn't have to handle it. He's the greatest guy, he shouldn't have to be made fun of for being friends with me."  

She said, "he said that is not what it was. And besides, he has made the choice that he's ok with it if that happens."

She said, "I get you want to try and protect your heart, each day that goes by you fall more in love, and you can't see a way that he could actually want to be with you." 

 I said, "Emma I have to be real. I'm not reading some book I just bought, some fairy tale love story" 

She said, "no I think you're living it."  

I said, "I don't. I think this will end badly, and I'm going to be heartbroken." 

 She said "That man cares about you. I can see it. 

 I said, ' As a friend, as a soul mate." 

 She said, "Madison, he said you were a soulmate, what 18-year-old boy is going to say that, unless he is feeling something for you, more than friendship."

I said, "Emma I can't go into detail, it's his life, but he has told me things that he carries deep inside, and he finds it easy to talk to me. I don't judge him. I try to make him feel good about himself. Tell him he is not what he thinks he is."  

She said, "yes, but that proves my point. You guys feel an instant deep connection. You have told him things that you would never tell anyone else, especially a guy. I mean first day hanging out with him, you took him to your house. You've worked at the vet clinic for a year, and you lie to them about where you live. You told him in detail what Rob did to you. You have only been able to tell me. You tell him deep things too. So, you feel that strong pull and connection to him"

 I said, "yes I do., But that doesn't mean I can have my dream with him. I need to accept it, and stop living in fantasy land, that I could be with Tom.  Tonight, proved that. I don't belong there with him with his family, his teammates. I was a fool to think that I could do this, be his fake girlfriend, and not embarrass him or his parents.

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