You Changed Me | Evan Buckley (9-1-1) [Book 1]

39: I Need You

I sat in the hospital room, in a chair across from where Buck laid in the hospital bed. My leg sore from bouncing it all night and morning. My eyes felt so heavy, yet I couldn't find it in me to fall asleep. Even though the entire team offered to watch over him while I slept, I couldn't bring myself to close my eyes.

Evan had to be okay. I need my fiancé. Evie needs her dad.

"Come on Evan. Just wake up." I whispered, watching every breath he took. I wanted nothing more than to just be at home, sleeping next to him. My foot was practically burning a hole through the floor as I bounced my leg continuously.

My eyes started to close when I heard a few coughs. My eyes shot open and I rushed to his side. "Baby." I said, my lip quivering as tears threatened to fall down my face. "You're here?" Buck asked, his voice slightly raspy. I nodded quickly, running my hand through his hair.

"I'm here Evan." I told him before pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. He looked down at his leg that was wrapped in a cast and lifted into the air slightly. I watched as his breathing picked up and he frantically looked at his leg, trying to sit up.

"Hey, baby it's okay. It's okay." I whispered, pressing my hand to his chest, trying to calm him down a little.

"Is it though? Did you speak to the doctor? Did he say anything about how the surgery went?" He questioned, looking up at me with concern.

"You made it through. One titanium rod and four cobalt-chromed screws." I spoke, unsure of how he was going to react. He shook his head. "I might never work again." He said, the pain behind his voice was apparent.

I knew that being a firefighter was everything to him. For Buck, it was his entire life. Only 2 things came before work, Evie and myself. Being a firefighter gave him purpose, a feeling he never got from his parents.

"We will cross that bridge when we get there." I told him, trying to get the thought of him back at work out of my head. "Is Evie okay?" He asked, noticing that I was alone in the room. I nodded, "Evie is with Hen and Karen." I assured him.

I looked away as I felt his eyes on me. "Are you okay?" "No." I choked up, trying my hardest not to cry, but my attempt failed. I turned to face him, his eyes closed for a moment as he saw me cry.

"I was so scared. You almost died." I let out, tears now fully flowing down my cheeks. "I love you too much Evan. You almost died on me and Evie."

"I'm here now. I'm alive and so are you." His voice cracked and he grabbed my hand. I hugged him tightly, never wanting to let go of him. We both cried in each other's arms, not caring about how vulnerable we both were.

"We brought a visitor." Hen said calmly. I turned around and saw Evie in her arms. "How is he?" She asked, carefully placing the baby in my arms. "Alive. It's just a waiting game now." I told her, beginning to explain everything to her.

"Bring her here. I want to see her." Buck spoke up, interrupting the conversation. I nodded, walking over to him and sitting down on the small section of bed that wasn't occupied. "Say hi to daddy." I cooed as I set her in Buck's arms. His face immediately lit up at the sight of our daughter. "Hi babygirl." He smiled, leaving a gentle kiss on her head.

I watched as Evie's small blue eyes looked up at Buck. She had so far proven to be a major daddy's girl. My heart breaks at the thought of her having to grow up without Evan in her life. "Alissa-" He started to speak. I shook my head. "I know. You're alive." I sighed.

Him being alive was barely enough. I need him to be living. Not just alive.

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"Be careful!" I scolded Buck as he hopped quickly into the living room of our apartment. "I'm happy to be home and in my own bed!" He said excitedly. He looked at me as he noticed the new couch that sat in the living room. "I knew you wouldn't be able to get up and down to our bed, so I got a pull out couch so we can sleep down here." I explained as I helped him sit down.

"You are the best." He smiled at me, pulling me down until I was eye level with him. I flashed a smile back at him, my hands finding their way to his face. "Don't scare me like that again." I said sternly. "I'll try not to." He said before pressing his lips against mine. My hands gently rested behind his head, pulling him closer to me.

He tried to deepen the kiss and I pulled away. He groaned out in frustration. "You need to be resting!" "Technically, I don't have to do anything." He said, raising his hands slightly. I rolled my eyes playfully. "We're not having sex on our brand new couch." I said, sitting next to him and throwing my feet on the coffee table.

"There's no better way to break it in." He smirked towards me. "Evan!" I laughed, picking up a throw pillow and throwing it at his head. He let out a laugh, turning his head towards me. My eyes locked with his and all of my feelings settled at once.

This scenario could be very different right now. "I could be planning your funeral right now." My voice croaked as my eyes filled with tears. "You're not though. We're here laughing and in love." His hand reached for mine, grasping it tightly.

"Evan, you changed me. You made me become myself again and the last year with you has been everything." I started to explain. His arm wrapped around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him.

"When I moved here from Nevada, my life was hell. I was at war with myself every single day and then you came into my life. I know Eddie was in the picture for a minute, but I was scared of admitting my love for you. Once I did, fuck, I have not felt more like myself before." I spoke.

"I need you. I really do. Without you, I'm nothing Evan."