You Changed Me | Evan Buckley (9-1-1) [Book 1]

24: The Past

"It's been a month Alissa." Buck said flopping onto my bed. "I don't care I just wanna stay here." I whined. I was ordered to a temporary suspension, effective until the fire chief decided I was well enough to come back.

"Come onnnn." He pulled the blanket off of me, exposing the very minimal clothing I was wearing. "Buckley leave me be." I pulled the blanket back over me.

"Lis?" He sat up and looked at me. I sighed and sat up. "Yes babe?" I asked. Buck and I decided to get back together and things were going super well.

"I want a family with you. I want to try for another baby." He said looking into my eyes. My chest hurt at the thought. "I'm not ready yet Evan." My eyes began to tear up.

Before I knew it I was full on crying. My heart was still heavy about the miscarriage. "I'm sorry Alissa. I um didn't mean to upset you." He said as he pulled me into a hug.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked into his blue eyes. "I want it all with you Evan I really do." I said, hoping that he understood.

"Anyways come on it's time to go out and get a breath of fresh air."

"Evan I will get fresh air when I want to leave, but for now you go so I can get on the call with my therapist." I said getting up and pulling him towards the door.

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"So Alissa, let's talk about your career, how is everything going there?" Olivia, my therapist, asked me over the computer screen.

"Well I had a meeting with the chief and he concluded that I'm too unfit, mentally, at this moment to go back. I basically got fired." I let out a small laugh.

"Any other plans for work?" She asked. "No, I've thought about maybe nursing, but for now I'm just at home." I said, looking at the screen. Olivia's eyebrows raised slightly at the paper she was looking at.

"Heavy question here, how are you feeling about your brother's death? Be honest." She said as she let out a small breath.

I inhaled sharply, "I um, honestly, he's all I've been thinking about. In a few days it will be one year and I don't really know what to do with that."

"Have you talked to Evan, like we decided on?" She reminded me of the agreement we'd made a month prior. If I talked to Buck more about my feelings, I wouldn't have as many sessions with Olivia.

"Honestly no. I haven't opened up to him about my past." I told her, knowing she was going to be disappointed. "Alissa, I think it's time to tell him."

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I walked downstairs after ending the call with Olivia to see Buck and none other than his ex Taylor.

I walked into the kitchen as quietly as possible, my blood boiled at the sight of the girl. "Hey Alissa, I was wondering if you would be down to do an interview with me?" Taylor's voice rang through the apartment.

"No I don't like you, please get out of my home." I replied back flatly. "I just want to talk about your experiences in Nevada, your brother and more." Taylor said with a slight grin on her face. God I couldn't stand her.

"Alright that's it get the fuck out and do not come back. Do not ever talk to Evan again." I said walking up to her and pointing at the door. She got up, cocked a small smile my way and left the apartment.

I went back to the kitchen to make myself food, not wanting to address anything that just happened.

"You know we have to talk about that Lis." Buck spoke up, his voice slightly shaky.

"My brother died last year, a week after his son. He was my everything, he kept me alive. You never hear about my parents because they gave up on me, Leo raised me. When I fell in the darkest place in my life, my brother saved me literally." I let out quickly. Hoping Buck had no follow-up questions.

"You almost died?" Buck said, his eyebrows raised and eyes concentrating on me.

"Yes I almost died. Twice, I don't want to talk about it okay? I'm not that person anymore. I'm not broken anymore. I can handle life now." I turned and looked at him.

"Evan, I keep my life in Nevada a secret because I wanted a fresh start. I wanted a new reputation. A new track record." I explained before he had the chance to blow up on me.

"A-Alissa, what else do I not know about you?" He asked me.

"My original name was Aisling-Elena, my mother is Italian, my father is Irish. They both came to America from their countries and then I was born. I changed my name legally when I turned 18." I looked at Buck. He looked so confused. I felt so bad, but I didn't want anyone here to know my background, but apparently Taylor had other plans for that.

Buck looked at me, his eyes open wider than before. "So your name isn't even Alissa?" He questioned. "My name is Alissa." I told him.

"I don't want to upset you, but why didn't you tell me anything about your past? I didn't know you had a brother or that you were actually Irish." He got up and walked over to me.

"I didn't tell you anything because I am trying to forget about it. I am trying to erase my past completely." I admitted. "I started when I left home."

Buck looked at me, his eyes seen me much differently now. "I don't even know the girl I love." He spoke quietly.

"No no Evan you do know me. My past isn't me. The girl you know is me. I promise you that." I said honestly.

Everything in our relationship was about to change.

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(A/N) you guys are about to learn SO much about who Alissa really is and y'all aren't going to be ready for this!!

Also i am SO sorry for the inconsistent and slow updates, I'm going to get better I promiseee