Wicked Desire

41- speaking her mind

A few weeks passed and there was a slight curve in my lower stomach as I was beginning to look more pregnant. It was only obvious to Ben who saw me unclothed and knew every curve and the shape of my body inside out. Of course, it wasn't visible to anyone else yet but only we could see it. 

Evenings spent on the sofa as he spoke to me, his cheek resting on my belly as he pulled my top up revealing my bare skin. My fingers brushed through his hair as he looked up at me, one hand on my belly and the other tangled with my hand as we laughed and went on for hours.

I usually nodded off at some point and would wake to him laying me down in bed tucking me in. A small half-asleep smile formed in the corner of my mouth as he kissed my temple and smoothed my hair. I started noticing he wouldn't come to bed immediately, the empty space beside me would stay empty and would only be occupied once I woke up in the morning.

His 50th birthday was fast approaching and my guess is he was nervous about the milestone. "don't remind me, I'm an old man" he would joke more often now. 

"you're not old, Ben..." I would tease back with a slightly seductive demeanor as he watched me discard my top on the floor and make my way to the bedroom, snapping out of his trance and practically running to me making me giggle.

it was slowly dawning on me we were having a baby, he was going to be a father finally at 50. I was barely in my twenties, and never expected to have a family at this stage of my life, I didn't expect a lot of things to happen but here we are.

Soon all of our teenager-like behavior and endless time spent in the shower, on the sofa, in the bedroom... it would all have to wait and slow down once this baby arrived. Ben stood behind me wrapping his arms around me, resting his chin on the top of my head as I sank into his embrace as we looked at each other in our reflections in the mirror. "excited?" he squeezed me. I smiled widely "nervous but excited" his arms wrapped around me tighter at my words as he nestled his face in the crook of my neck. "I love you... we've got this, kid." his kisses on my neck were like heaven as I closed my eyes.  

we stood like that in each other's embrace breathing each other in. I tried to ignore the flashes of scenes in my head, an echo of "bens box in the attic", and images of ben about to hit me... why was I relentlessly thinking of all of this when I was so happy and content? Was I happy?

//

A few days later we were planning for Ben's party that next evening, "we need to head to the big house so mum can figure out what we need for the party" ben rushed by and kissed my forehead as he was eating a piece of toast on the go. 

we rushed out messing around as we walked over, him twirling me and lifting me up spinning me around. We got to the house to see Eve out with her flowers as she stood up to look at us. She always had a very wide smile and couldn't take her eyes away from us, but something was off today as she looked tired. "morning mum" ben called out as he held my hand and planted a kiss on it, looking at me with a wide grin. 

"hi, benny... clo..." she turned back to her flowers as I looked at ben, both raising our eyebrows and kept walking on.

 "preparations are all set! You aren't allowed in I'm afraid until tomorrow..." Connor said from the porch. "I thought we would help out today?" Ben called back "absolutely not, my boy is turning 50...50! I'll be damned if he helps organize his own party, now away with you two and find something else to do for Christ's sake" Connor turned and closed the door behind him as ben and I laughed. 

"How about a drive? haven't been out for a while, we could take a picnic?" I jumped excitedly at his suggestion "that sounds perfect! let's go asap so we aren't out too late in the day" I dragged him forward to the house so we could pack.