Wicked Desire

34

"Well it was only a matter of time..." he said amusingly as he stroked the sides of my thighs as he kneeled in front of me.

"We've been all over each other. you aren't on the pill, we don't use protection... it's really a wonder it lasted this long" I tried not to laugh at his very true point, I tried to stifle my amusement because of how scared this made me feel.

His hands took mine which were forgetting in my lap as he laid a soft kiss on them, his eyes meeting mine. "How do you feel?" He said earnestly, he knew how scared I felt, it was so sudden and we'd only known each-other for such a short period of time.

"I'm -uh" I couldn't find the right thing to say, I was still shaken up by his reaction just minutes ago, and now this.

"It's alright, you don't have to say anything now I understand" his hand came to my hip giving a little squeeze of reassurance.

He pulled me up with him as he stood, his hand resting on my stomach as our foreheads rested against each other.

"I promise you, things will be so much better from now on." His eyes closed and voice quiet it was a low whisper only i could hear.
Flashes of memories flooded into my brain, every time he laid hands on me, pushed me down, hurt me, screamed at me, frightened me...
My eyes squeezed as tightly shut as they could. Drowning out the sick feeling that was forming in the pit of my stomach as I saw the memories play out before me.

I focused back to his low voice, his breath fanning my face, the warmth of his body radiating to me. "Clo?" He sounded unsure, his eyes open now he obviously saw the look on my face as if I was pretending to be somewhere else. Maybe I was...

I snapped back to reality and reached up as I drew him in to my embrace, his arms wrapped around my middle as one hand came up supporting my head. "Things already are better" I managed to squeak out, I couldn't decide if that was a lie or not.

He instantly squeezed me tighter as his face dropped into the crook of my neck. I felt butterflies replace the nausea, I let myself melt into him again as we stood in that room holding each other for I don't know how long.

I could see the beach again and hear the seagulls. It wasn't a dream, I wasn't even asleep. But I held him tighter and I could see it come into focus. The stranger walking ahead of me again, my dad. Running to him as he comes into focus and jumping into his arms. A familiar embrace. Ben always felt like a familiar embrace. But why?

I release my hold on Ben slightly and pull back to see his face. Remembering my dreams. Being in the arms of my father and then realising it's Ben. Seeing his blue eyes burst with colour compared to the dull skies and sand of the beach, flickering back to the face of my dad, and back to Ben like a glitch in a system. Flickering, contorting, I watched him as the picture was clear but the meaning was lost. What is my gut trying to tell me?