Wicked Desire

39- Eavesdropping

I was beginning to wake up in my cozy pit of blankets and pillows when I could hear voices "You should have turned her away, Ben. Scolded her for being so stupid..." I heard eve's voice. 

I didn't move a muscle, mostly out of tiredness but I could sense I was listening to a conversation that wasn't for my ears.

"Yea I know, but I see now she needed someone... and apparently she chose me for that" I could hear Ben's morning voice, Were they talking about me?

"she could have found it elsewhere... if you had only treated her like the child she was" she pleaded

"well I couldn't face her hating me for it, she's always been my favorite... I couldn't stand the thought of her being too ashamed to speak to me again." Ben sounded a bit flustered, slightly agitated as if he was answering questions he didn't agree to respond to.

"Before she was your wife, she was your family. As her family, you should have stepped up and set her straight. Teach her a lesson, shout at her, anything to set her imagination straight!" Eve's voice gets louder and louder at the end with a sudden drop off realizing her tone of voice "It was badly done. You changed everything by being a typical man, you don't think with your head!" I could sense she gave a quick gesture down below in her usual sassy way, based on ben's reaction.

Ben scoffed in instant embarrassment "mum, please" he was mortified at that comment. 

"And what if I did just turn her away then... hm?" he sounded a bit more threatening now. 

"Where would she have gone then, George was too wrapped up in Casey to care about your little plan for them... where would she have gone?"

"There were other options, even George was too extreme... I see that now. But your father insisted" 

"What, Suddenly you're being morally enlightened? Look at your family. You were trying to fix the pattern that you and dad broke." 

I didn't know what I was listening to, it felt like jibberish because I was missing so much information... 'fix the pattern you and dad broke'...what? I desperately tried to stay as still as possible, even though I didn't understand the conversation, I still had to hear. 

"George broke the pattern again, and So did Patrick. And as usual, I stepped up, I led the way as the eldest once again and there is no one else to blame but yourself because that is how you raised us and that is how this family works." he was sort of whisper shouting through a clenched jaw by the sounds of it.

I managed to open my eyes and see them by the kitchen, So close to each other as Ben was getting his finger in her face as he accentuated his points. 

"I am tasked with carrying on this family's legacy and after Dad is gone. My first wife didn't work out and I'll grieve for her every day, but my second wife is the best thing to ever happen to me. I love Clara, but she's gone. And as soon as I stopped loving a ghost, my life transformed for the better."

"Yes, because you found another Clara and took her because you were being selfish" Eve spat 

"SHE is NOT Clara!" Bens's voice hissed at her, making me hide behind my blankets more.

"No... she's not." Eve's voice was frail as if about to cry

"she's not... because I'll never forget Clara lying on that bed surrounded by Blood and a baby that wasn't crying. My sweet girl... I'll never forget the sight of it, and the feeling when she stopped breathing. My heart was wrenched out of my chest, Ben."

Ben didn't say anything, he just gazed down at the pain in her eyes in a sort of trance.

"And now Clo is here, I just worry about her. Worried that this, what we are doing, if its a mistake." She said as she wiped her eyes

"And we all agreed to this, 'bring her home' you all said it. 'where she belongs'..." He held her shoulder providing some sort of comfort as they calmed down from some very heated words.

"Rob ran away for a reason." my head turned at Eve's mention of my dad. "She is her father's daughter, and when she finds out... She's going to run just like her father did, she's going to rip through anyone who tries to stop her just like he did Patrick. That is who I believe she is going to be. And when that happens, I won't stop her. I'll hand her the car keys" At her final words ben grunted in anger and pushed past her, slightly knocking her shoulder.

Ben had stormed out of the room and I heard the front door slam shut. I didn't know if I should stay put or take the door slam as a queue to wake. "You can get up Clo, I know you're awake"

I took a sharp inhale at her acknowledgment of my eavesdropping and slowly sat upright, the blankets wrapped tightly around my bare chest. Eve looked sad but also like she had gotten something off of her chest as she looked at me 

"It's not my place, and I made a promise. It has to come from Ben because he and his father are the ones that started all of this," she said day dreamily and turned to walk away 

"Mum!" I stopped her in her tracks. Her back was to me and she threw her head back as if trying not to cry and turned back to me, she looked exhausted. 

"Please... what's going on..." I pleaded, my knees tucked up my chest as I grew more anxious.

She said nothing for what felt like forever, her face blank. "Ben's box in the attic," she said quietly.

"What?" I reshuffled my weight.

She said nothing else, gazed at me a few seconds more, and then quickly left the room.

I was left in the biggest state of confusion and broken information I had ever experienced. Half answers, missing components, everything felt like it was crumbling around me. The foundations I tried so hard to build with Ben were cracking... This bubble we made was getting smaller by the minute and ready to pop. I felt at this moment that I was trapped in a small room, water flooding in as the space filled up, and I panted desperately for breath as I was about to be submerged.

I have pushed my questions to the back of my mind, I was tired of wondering and theorizing, and I was exhausted. I just packed my thoughts away and focused on building a life with him. But I see now that we cannot live in our dreams forever, it will drive us mad... And I feel like I'm drowning.