Wicked Desire

12- shelter from the storm

The last month was awkward. And frightening at times. Ben was very distant, he didn't really make a lot of conversation but gave me orders with the various house jobs and occasionally losing his tempter.

We would still do a lot together, eat meals, sit and read books in the evening... He always accompanied me while I needed to shower or bathe myself. Bit by bit he would look more, watched me walk around the living area doing various things, maybe let his hand linger longer on my back while in the bath, things like that. but he still hasn't been talkative, and I hate it. I don't want him to hate me, I still need someone to speak to, to laugh with, i won't last long being so detached and alone.

"Ben... Do you need anything? Like a drink or something?"

All he gave me back was a short grumble meaning no. I've learnt the tone of his grumbles. Which one means yes, no, I don't know, hungry etc. It's practically all I've heard so I've adjusted well to that.

I cooked him all of his meals, cleaned everything in the house spotless, did washing... maybe this was how I would make up for it. Playing housekeeper. Would I always be playing the housekeeper as long as I am here?

The house was quite chilly today and I walked over to the fireplace. Ben has been doing a lot of paperwork, that same academic paper, he's getting it published which is stressing him out. Or maybe I'm stressing him out and this is his distraction.

"Ben can I get some wood for the fire..." I've been outdoors with him to get wood from the shelter, and to pick some flowers for the table. All the while he follows me closely, prowling behind me watching my every move.

"Mhmm" he grumbled back but I was confused. "A-Aren't you coming?" I said expectantly. It was just standard procedure.

He got up and pressed the key pad but to my shock he sat back down. "What are you doing?" I didn't dare leave the house. "Go on, I'm right here and you won't go anywhere." He was right, there was nowhere to go.

"Oh um ok." I walked outside and moved towards the wood pile. Realising I was outside unaccompanied. I was also barefoot in my white summer dress Ben had gotten me. It was beautiful, it had long flouncy sleeves and flowed down to just above my knee. It was something straight out of the 70s. It ruffled in the cool Alaskan breeze. It wasn't much different from summers in Ireland, to be honest, we never expected much more than rainy days.

I put the wood into a basket and turned around to look at him. He's been miserable these past days... did I do that? Will he be down forever? I hate to admit but I don't like seeing him so down. He's stressed as well which only adds to it. As long as he is this way there's no other feeling but bleakness throughout the house.

I took the ultimate decision and decided to put my most confident face on. I walked up through the door again and turned to him.  "Did you get the wood?" He said without breaking away from his writing.

I took a deep inhale and reached out for his hand. He looked up at me confused and shocked. I lightly tugged on him implying I wanted him to stand. He sort of perked up "what's this then?" He said twitching his brow. "Lets go outside. It's really sunny! And you have worked on this long enough" The look he gave me was as if he was looking proudly at his hard work. As if this care for his well-being was another step towards being his entirely. He got up and I pulled him away, leading him from the house and onto the garden. The birds were chirping brightly, the river trickling in the distance, the sun

"What exactly are we doing then." He didn't look very enthusiastic. "Well I like to dance. So ask me to dance" his eyes lit up immediately. "dance? Here?" he questioned. "Yes! here... whats wrong with a bit of silliness to lighten the mood?"