Kindred Spirits | Juan Toscano-Anderson

16 x All Along

"Aye, did you ever tell Cyn why you stopped talking to her in the first place?" Jaiden asked eating a bowl of grapes from Juan's fridge.

"Nah, she never asked about it again." Jaiden looked over at him and then back to How High. "What?"

"You don't think you should still say something?"

"We're good right now, I do not want to mess that up."

Juan's reasoning for not responding to those calls and texts?

He slipped up and told his mother he loved Cyn and that had been a constant question for clarification on what he meant.

To avoid that, he didn't have long conversations with Patricia and ultimately ignored Cynatra. By the time he tuned into reality, she has half way out the door. Things have changed since then but the question of why lingered over her head, she just wasn't about to beg for an answer from him.

He was confused, for one, why he said it and why it felt natural to say it.

When he said it to Jaiden, it was more controlled, he had time to think of his statement before delivery. When his mother asked him how Cyn had been in her grieving process, he said:

"She acts as if she's okay and for the most part it seems like she is but when she's not its hard to watch someone you love be completely defeated."

His mother quickly asked, "You love her?" and it should have been a simple question to answer because, who wouldn't love their friend? But for Juan, it felt like the most complex and he didn't want to give the wrong response.

"You'd mess it up by telling her you ignored her because you're a little bitch that can't say 'I love you'?"

"No, I'd mess it up by explaining it and then she asks if I do and I say some shit like 'no I didn't mean it like that' and hurt her feelings"

"Juan, do you hear yourself? It's either you love her like a friend or you're in love with her. I don't know why it's hard for you to figure out."

It was hard, maybe he was afraid she did not love him the same way. He would continue to mask it until he couldn't anymore.

"I'm glad you were able to meet with me. Steph had a golfing commitment he couldn't miss with Damion." Ayesha had stopped past Round 1 to discuss the service day she wanted to host there.

"Well, I'm always here so you'd catch me even if you didn't schedule a meeting." She joked, "Let's talk about this event."

"I want to do a book bag and book drive for the kids of Oakland, also resources for the holidays, toiletries, other essentials, clothes for all. I think this is the perfect location for that."

Round 1 would be a drop off hub for the supplies and the day of the event would be used as a central pick up location. There would be a DJ, musical guests, news outlets, the works. It would be a great opportunity for both parties.

"The wonderful thing is, our new kitchen renovations would be finished in the next week, just in time for our thanksgiving dinner."

Cynatra's pet project for the last three years was hosting thanksgiving dinner for the neighborhood, each year it being more extensive. Year one included canned goods, year two was catering and year three? In house cooking for the Oakland natives to enjoy. Jannelle volunteered to help.

Cynatra would enlist a few other chefs in the area to dedicate their time. It was before the holiday so it wouldn't conflict with anyone's family time.

"Ayesha, how do you feel about getting into the kitchen for the community?"