Wdw sickfics

D.S- unstable.

this is going to be a little graphic and unsettling for some. so read with discretion*

No POV

Ever since the whole ordeal with the boys old management and having to cancel  the tour; nothing has really been the same.

We have all went our own ways, trying to deal with the loss of seeing our fans live in our own ways. We all still make music but separately, unfortunately.

We all got dragged into this mess when we were under 18 years old. Little life experience, little knowledge of right or wrong, little feeling of happiness.

We were controlled 24/7 by these people who mistreated us. And we couldnt do anything about it. We didn't have that authority; they did.

and we had to live with that.

Daniels POV

Now that we are on this small break from the public view, Ive had time to think; possibliy too much time. I've been in my head a lot lately and not for a good reason. I mean I've written some good music here and there but I've been thinking about my past way too much to admit. I want to forget everything that has happened but I'm stuck feeling trapped in my thoughts half the time.

I've tried to force myself to move away from the things that make me zone out into another world; another bad world. But I end up running low on my social battery way too soon cause my thoughts burn out everything.

I end up leaving early.

This has been going on for a while, but for sure lately now that i have actual time to think without being pushed around by people and fixed to a set tight schedule.

I have freedom.

I feel invalid. I feel miserble. I feel pathetic.

All because of what those bastards did to us as kids.

The other boys are mostly fine, but here i am not able to let go all this guilt. It's not my fault nor has it ever been my fault. It's never been the other boys fault. We were young and oblivious.

But what wouldve happened if i were in the band? Would the other boys still be mistreated, or would they have been okay?

Thoughts like that crowd my mind on a daily basis. Some stronger and harsher than others. Some i can push away. Some that force me to sleep the day away with no plan of getting up any time soon.

I want to be okay, but im getting worse and worse at surpressing these feelings by the day. I'm falling deeper into a hoe of dispair and misery.

I may still live with the jonah and corbyn, but we are always too busy or occupied to notice eachothers presence in the house. I dont see them often.

I wish i saw them more, maybe it would help me break from this shell. But I never get that opportunity.

I wish i could go to them when I'm in need of help but we grew apart.

I think I need them but I cant get to them.

~~~

The first night it happened, I stayed silent about it.

It wasn't bad. It was overwhelming; scary. but over quickly.

quiet.

Three in the morning, my thoughts got to overpowered, enough to draw me into a panic attack. I was scared. crying in the corner of my room as quietly as I could so no one would come running to help.

Overstimulation. I got overstimulated.

The thoughts were loud. It felt as if an anvil sat on top of my chest. It felt as if my brain was trying to force fifty thousand words out of my mouth all at once. It felt too hot and too cold at the same time. It felt like time was going too fast for me to process but wasnt going by fast enough.