Another Door Opens

45 - Taking sides

- EDEN -

It's not often that Nella and I both have the day off work, but somehow our schedules married up this day and so we decided to head out to do some final shopping and prep-work for Luna's baby shower which we were hosting for her.

Earlier we finalised the list of games after buying some baby-related decorations, and now we're drawing up a menu of food alongside an ingredient and therefore shopping list, categorised by both place of purchase and order of making what on which days in the lead up to the party and by whom.

Nella is nothing if not an over-preparer, and I am the perfect co-party planner for her because I can speak and translate both relaxed and obsessive like my two best friends’ primary languages, and so even things out and keep her from overextending herself into a stress-meets-anxiety-meets-overthinking shame spiral. Maybe that's why we three get along so well.

Saying that, however, Nella has been a lot more relaxed than distressed about all the baby-related planning things over the past couple weeks, which, as I’ve come to learn through this marathon organisational session and accompanying conversation is the result of Nella having had a private sit down with Luna one day after work a few weeks ago.

I was supremely grateful I had missed this chat between Luna and Nella about it all as it sounds like they finally had an open discussion about the impact of Luna and Wolfe's pregnancy on Nella and Mason's grief, and that many tears were shed by them both. I probably wouldn’t have been able to help but join in on the cry-fest involuntarily considering how constantly stressed and tired I am trying to manage both my relationship and my friendships alongside my increasing workload of late now that Luna is only working one morning a week, and that’s simply to organise everyone’s pay. She’s having a hard time letting go, despite now needing a hand up and down from her chair.

Now having had many individual conversations with Luna and Nella about this, and so understanding the intimate details of the thoughts and feelings of each of them, I'm glad my encouragement of them to actually speak to each other instead of skirting around this uncomfortable topic and swearing me to secrecy from the other has come to fruition. The lingering tension isn't so tense anymore, and the shared excitement levels are actually more reflective of both of their true feelings on the matter, which are energetic and ecstatic in a way I’m finding it hard to keep up with myself given my current level of stress.

"Thank you for always hearing me out, Eden, and encouraging me to speak to Luna,” Nella said after disclosing her heart-to-heart with Luna. "It feels good to have it all out there in the open now, and to know that she doesn't resent me for my confused feelings about it all."

It’s nice to know I have the capacity to solve other people’s problems, even if I can’t seem to figure out my own, namely how to move past the uncomfortable and awkward rift that is persisting and keeping Wolfe and I from being our usual selves. It was upsetting me so much that I haven't been able to sleep or eat comfortably for weeks now since that disastrous dinner meeting.

“As if she would ever resent you,” I said, grabbing her hand across the table where we were each seated with a cup of coffee and giving it a squeeze.

“Are you okay, babe? You seem distracted by something,” she queried, crossing something off from her extensive, overcomplicated-but-sense-making-for-her-brain-at-least lists. If ever anyone needed help with event planning or the like, Nella is who I would always recommend for the job. She is an organisational queen. I feel like I’ve barely contributed at all to the planning of this event that we’re supposed to be co-hosting, even more so in the last week considering my argument with Wolfe.

I sighed, knowing I have no choice but to get all the Wolfe stuff off my chest. “Wolfe and I are in a bit of an ongoing tiff, and I’m not sure what to do about it.”