Another Door Opens

43 - Yogi Mother's Group

- MILES -

I’ve had a fuck of a day.

One of my clients ended up breaking his arm by not listening to me when I said to drop the weight back down and not push himself too hard, and I had one of my best personal trainers resign as they’re moving to New Zealand.

I also received a long, scathing text from Tate, who, informing me she had a counselling session with a therapist earlier today, proceeded to tell me in a great many words exactly how much my rejection of her had hurt and the various ways in which her self-esteem and self-worth had been shattered by it all. She’s been pretty icy with me since New Years when she caught me lusting after Eden and denied her offer to bang, but this was an especially hard pill for me to swallow. I’m not sure that it’s entirely deserved given we entered into the arrangement on equal terms, as mates who occasionally fuck, instigated by her, without promises of anything more from either of us, nor had I been hooking up with anyone else at the time for her to have misconstrued any kind of ‘cheating’ scenario.

I’ll own that I could have spoken up earlier and made it more clear like in our conversations both before and after we first slept together that we were just friends and I didn’t want anything more, and have taken full responsibility for the many times since whenever I’ve tried to talk to her, which she has consistently brushed off or otherwise not heard a word of because she’s been yelling or crying at me. I will---and I did repeatedly---apologise for how my actions may have made her feel, but I’m not about to assume blame and guilt for something I didn’t do, which is lead her on like she is trying to claim I did.

We agreed it was going to be a casual arrangement, and that if feelings did start to develop, that they’d be brought up and discussed, and the situation called to an end and we’d go back to just being friends with no more benefits. I recognised her feelings---as well as my own developing for Eden---and called things off with no ill-intent or malice.

She doesn’t agree.

But I’m not about to censor her feelings. If she feels hurt and upset and thinks I’m to blame for those feelings, it’s not my place to say otherwise. But I’m also not responsible for things not working out the way she hoped, just as she and her hurt feelings aren’t to blame for our friendship being on the rocks now as a result. It just is what it is, and I hope one day she’s not so disappointed in me and that we can work through this because I love her and don’t want things to be like this between us.

And, to rub a bunch of salt in those wounds of disappointment at work and frustration in my social relationships, I had a massage booked in with Luna today, which would usually be nothing but a complete joy, only for the content of the discussion that came along with it.

Luna was laying on the massage table while I was working on her sacrum area and glutes which are tight as hell, so much so that she had to ask me to ease off on the pressure because she was so tender, even though I was barely touching her. This baby is doing a number on her coccyx, and pulling her pelvis out of alignment on a pretty regular basis which I can’t imagine has made standing around on your feet all day cutting hair too comfortable. I’ve told her she needs to take it easy and rest, but she’s never been one to really put her feet up, even more so now she’s coming to the end of her pregnancy and is needing to get her ducks all in a row before going on maternity leave.

I finished up with her massage and left her to get dressed, and she met me in my office, seating herself on a large exercise ball which I’ve noticed since she's been coming in for weekly massages seems to help in taking some of the pressure off her back.

“Thanks, Miles,” she said, bouncing up and down slowly on the ball at different angles, testing out the new range of movement she must now have after the loosening of her muscles. “You’ve made the last couple months so much more bearable.”