Another Door Opens

28 - Barbarism

- EDEN -

Saturday morning brunches with both sets of my coupled best friends would seriously feel like I’m gatecrashing a double date if they weren’t so inclusive and I wasn’t the focus of the conversation at hand. It’s come to be the space where I catch everyone up on my latest date fails, including the one from last night.

It started off with so much potential. He didn’t drink like a fish, could hold a decent conversation without awkward pauses, and made me laugh to the point where I had tears in my eyes. Plus, he was smoking hot, so when I accepted his offer to take things back to one of our houses---mine being the closest---I thought I might actually be having sex for the first time in goddess even knows how long.

But, no.

"This one actually had some promise... Right up until he walked through my front door and Hades went absolutely apeshit at him. If I wasn't interested in getting laid, it would have been slightly more cute. He came and stood in front of me, between me and Leo, and would not relent in keeping him away from me. As soon as he stepped closer to let Hades sniff his hand, he would just start growling and barking louder and louder. I've never heard sounds like that come out of him. I actually thought at one point that Hades was about to bite the poor guy, and I've never known a more chill, relaxed dog than my own, except maybe Medusa."

Everyone but Wolfe was laughing at this point. I'm not sure which part displeased him most, but the expression on his face was clear. He was displeased.

"Dogs have better instincts than we do, Edes," he said seriously. "If Hades didn't trust him, then I don't either."

"You don't even know him!" Luna chided, clearly as irritated by his overprotectiveness as I am.

"I don't need to know him. I know Hades, and he's said no to this douchebag, so that's all I need to know."

“Well this one was definitely a lot more trustworthy than the drunkard from last weekend.”

“You didn’t tell me about that one.” Wolfe looked affronted, like it seriously bothered him that I didn’t fill him in with all the details of the guy who seemingly sustained himself on one sole food group made up entirely of alcohol.

“For good reason, trust me. The details of him trying pretty desperately to get me to make out with him would have made you mad,” I said, wondering how big a reaction Wolfe would have if he knew the truth about the alcoholic teacher. “Regardless, I think Leo’s ghosted me. He self-proclaimed that all dogs love him, and so I think Hades wounded his pride.”

Wolfe's nostrils flared as he took a deep breath, clearly aggravated. "So, the first three guys you go out with, one was a handsy tightass with serious body image issues, one was clearly abusing alcohol and tried to force himself on you while drunk. And this last one you brought home on the first date and only really got him to leave because your God of the Underworld---pun totally intended---" Wolfe joked, to the rapturous laughter and applause of Luna, Nella and Mason, "vetoed his access through the doorway, and barked at him until he got the message to leave?"

When he puts it like that, I guess my hit rate has been incredibly low thus far.

"Alright, Edes. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say all four of us are now even more worried for your safety than we already were when you started this dating journey," Wolfe said confidently, despite the avoidant looks of my other friends who I now assume have been talking about this without me. "I know I'd feel a hell of a lot more comfortable with you going out with people on your own if you had some basic self-defence training. Come to my boxing class tomorrow morning before work."