Another Door Opens

24 - Tiny, microscopic needle in an endless needle-looking haystack

- EDEN -

The world of online dating is like trying to locate your very last dollar coin that you dropped into a flooded, underground sewer during an electrical storm. The dollar coin being a rarity with limited value that you may find only after trudging your way through endless filth and shit, with an ever present risk to your safety and general well-being from lightning strikes of male ego and patriarchal entitlement.

I'm almost ready to pack it in already.

It's been a week, and not a single man---apart from the shirtless, dog-walking reader, of course, who I sadly haven't come across on any dating sites yet---has piqued my interest enough for me to even consider going on a date. In fact, it may have just put me off dating in general for the rest of time.

Firstly, if the first image of you that you want people to gain an accurate impression from is a picture of you at the gym flexing in a mirror, you need to do some serious work on your self-esteem. You are more than your muscle mass and nippley singlet tops. Good for you for being active and trying to keep your body healthy, but it's an instant pass from me. Gym is not an identity, unless you're a personal trainer or professional athlete, and even then, I'd like to hope there's more substance to a person than how you spend your days. It's also an instant pass on drunk party shots for people late-twenties and over.

Secondly, if you think the best way to get a response from me is to compliment my appearance, you're missing the whole point. There's a lot more to me than how I look on the surface, and I've never understood why someone would think that's a good lead. It just shows where their priorities lie, and they aren't the same as mine. I'm much more attracted to the person than their appearance, and I'd want the person I'm dating to feel the same.

If you can't muster the energy to give someone even the most brief idea of who you are by actually writing a small bio for them to look over as well as your pictures, again, you either need to do some serious introspective work to explore who you are, or learn how to sit with your own vulnerability by putting yourself out there. It's really not hard. And if you think it is, sweetheart, you're not ready to be dating anyone. Learn to love yourself first before you try to use a relationship to patch up all the holes you think exist in your life. That's just not fair on anyone, and I'm done being unfair towards myself.

Do people even know how to talk to one another these days? I get it's a strange platform to be meeting someone for the first time and getting to know them via text, but how hard is it to say something more than, "Hey, how are you?" It's worse than just swiping right or 'liking' me without saying anything. Read the shit I've written in my bio, look over the answers to the question prompts I've provided, observe the context of my photos. I've given a plethora of ways for people to initiate an interesting or, god forbid, meaningful conversation, but no. It's all "Hey, how's your day going?" Boring. 

Do people even go out for dinner or drinks anymore, or has dating just become hanging at the other person's house now to have sex? The number of men who have asked, very confidently, whether I feel like swinging by their place after work to "hang out" or have a drink is astounding. Perhaps even more so, the number that believe I would be happy to have a man I've never met and hardly know over to my house---my safe space---as our first interaction blows my mind.

Lastly, if there is a woman anywhere that is actually flattered that you would lead an interaction with the underlying motivation of dating, or even just sex, with a direct request for nudes or the unsolicited sending of a dick pic in place of an actual "Hello," then I'll hang up my already-reluctant dating boots and simply remain single forever because all my faith in humanity would be permanently lost.

I can't believe it's actually a thing. You hear stories about it obviously, but I just never thought it was real. Where the fuck did we go wrong as a society that men have been encouraged to think that is an acceptable way to behave with anyone, let alone women they've never met or spoken to before? Would they just as simply walk up to a woman in a bar or club, whip it out and wave it about her face without a second thought? Being a perve hiding behind a screen doesn't negate your sexually threatening and predatory behaviours. It makes you a creep and a coward.