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My blood boils

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My blood boils. My heart throbs. My stomach knots. But I don't allow the hurt within to show. I bottle it up as if I feel nothing. I wait until Alonso escorts Madison from the jet. I don't want to lose my shit in public. I was taught to do so in private. I breathe deeply and wait until the door closes with a hiss. I punch a nearby wall, denting the metal interior with knuckle prints.  

Why would she do this to me? I don't get it. Am I not giving her enough attention?? No...no, I am. That's not it. It's something else. Does she want her ex back? Judging by how Madi fled to him proves she does. No matter if he lied to her or manipulated her. She should have ignored him. She still cares. I close my eyes and inhale until my nostrils flare. The air doesn't leave my lungs. I hold it. 

Is she really this gullible? Did I give Madi too much credit? I spotted that she was stubborn as hell, but now I see she has a lot of growing to do. She's only 22 and isn't as equipped to handle decisions rationally. She's still a girl...I love her...but I can't waste time waiting for her to reach my level. That can take years. I can't marry someone who's indecisive. Then again, I don't want her to leave. I invested too much time...too much effort. On top of that, she's the definition of living art. How her navy eyes spark when she's excited. Her tiny nose and smile. A smile that parts clouds on a sunny day. A mind that always has me guessing. Now it has me confused. 

Did she mean it when she said she loved me? Or did she just say it because I did? When you love someone, you don't do what she did. You don't hurt them this way. Arguing and fighting is expected, but choosing another man isn't. I'm not sure what to do. All I know is I need space.  

I let out the breath and take a seat. I stare out the oval window at the sunny sky, hating that this day is ruined. I rushed from a blackout meeting with NASA. Hopefully, I can get back in time to make amends. I may lose the deal. "Seattle, Washington," I demand the jet. It rolls ahead. I have a penthouse there...I would go to the one here, but Madi's parents are there. I wouldn't want to put them out, especially since they did nothing wrong. I'll stay in Seattle.  

The craft ascends into the bright sky. I eye Grand Park. The place where my future fiancé met with her ex. The fact that Brad had the nerve to even speak to her. To purchase a ring only after I had. It's all a competition for him. All a measuring game. I'm sure prison will fix that. He won't be so cocky behind bars. I text Alonso: 

Have you arrived at the station?

I continue watching the park as the jet flies past it.

Alonso: Pulling into the lot now, sir.

Me: Good. When the charges are done, escort her to the penthouse. 

I rub the back of my neck and sigh. She'll have to be on punishment to learn her lesson. Maybe a week...maybe more. Until I figure out how long I can't be around her. My anger may get the best of me. I need to wind down. I wanted to hit her before for telling me to man up. I was able to shoo that away. This is different. This is betrayal, irritation, and hurt rolled into one. I can't trust myself not to lash out. This situation is bad...but Madison doesn't deserve another abuser in her life. I need to collect myself.

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