>be me
>be 9
>taking cruise in the Bahamas
>sitting by bar waiting for drink
>lady keeps telling me i cant have one
>she is being ridiculous but i can handle her
>i tell sweet cheeks to listen and she slaps me
>says if i am old enough for alcohol i am old enough to respect women
>she has hurt me and i still dont have a drink
>i tell her i said exactly what Shrek would have wanted
>she says i am even more childish than she thought with that ogre shit
>she has just called the ogrelord childish while swearing like a child herself
>that does it
>i pray to Shrek
>i wait in the bar for a long time but see no onions
>maybe i have called the ogrelord in vain
>i feel terrible as i walk out of the bar
>then i smell it
>onions
>i search for the smell only to see that the boat is not moving
>i find the problem when i look at the smoke stack
>it is blocked by a giant onion
>i run to the side of the ship and look through a telescope into the distance
>i spot something green in the distance
>its Shrek
>it looks like his onioniness is getting ready for something big
>an onion bops up on the side of the boat
>i jump on to it and start being pulled toward Shrek
>it stops and i tell the ogrelord i knew he would punish the bartender bitch
>"you thought wrong laddeh"
>im about to ask what that meant but the ogrelord jumps so high in the air i cant see him
>comes in fast and slams into the water head first
>i understand now
>his onioniness isnt just punishing the bartender
>the whole boat is facing judgement
>a giant wave of water forms and goes toward the boat
>i cant even hear screams as wave devours the ship
>the wave goes down and i see no ship
>they are all dead
>"its all ogre now" his onioniness says
>Shrek signals to a helicopter close by with onion reflections
>i get an onion up my bum before his grace sinks into the water
>i await my ride back to society in the chopper
>Shrek is love
>Shrek is life
YOU ARE READING
Shrek is Love Shrek is Life
FanfictionI am blessed to have had Shrek be a part of my life. Shrek has done so many wonderful things in my life that I can't remember them all in a coherent order. These are my fragmented memories of the ogrelord. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.
