Shrek is Love Shrek is Life

Shrek is Sex Ed

>be me

>be 17

>talking about stds in sex ed

>teacher says were going to learn about how stds originate before we start learning about specific ones

>one girl in the class asks about yeast infections

>the teacher says those arent really stds theyre something else that we dont have to worry about

>i interrupt and tell her i think its important

>she questions why i want to know since im a guy

>many of the girls agree with me before i have to justify

>as the teacher finally agrees i stop paying attention and wait for her to talk about prevention

>she tries to move on before getting to it but i yell out that onions are good for stopping yeast infections

>the kids collectively groan as i get on my hands and knees and start a prayer to the ogrelord out loud

>the teacher yells my name and tells me although im right my way of sharing this information is bad

>i begin to say that the ogrelords generous gift to the people must be made known but she yells again

>i tell her to watch that which she is shushing

>she yells to excuse her and i say i will not

>her time is already up

>i pray to Shrek

>onions fall from the orifices of the graphic mannequin

>onions begin spewing from the drawn orifices of all the diagrams and posters

>from the giant mannequin comes the ogrelord

>a mighty oniony ogre roar sounds off and fills the room with the succulent stench of onion

>the students all choke and gag as i bask in the holy scent

>the teacher stands from her desk slowly and thrusts her hand up forcing the cloud of onion from the room

>i stare in shock as i realize

>its her

>her wings extend and she points her wand at his onioniness as Shrek somersaults out of the way of a magic blast

>the ogrelord spews an onion from his mouth but she simply shoots it out of the air

>she puts up a magical shield as his onioniness screams terribly and spreads a toxic field across the room

>the girls in the room scream in agony followed by the men

>they have all contracted a stage 7 yeast infection

>my outer layers radiate an oniony aroma as they protect me from the infectious cloud

>fairy fuckmothers shield holds but it takes a lot of her power and a portion in the back of the shield goes down

>i look at the onions on the ground and know what to do

>i grab an onion and barrel toward the nasty woman

>i see Shrek push his onslaught even farther opening a chink in her shield as large as me

>she is so focused on holding her shield she doesnt notice me

>i make it to the desk and launch myself over it at her

>she sees me finally and is startled losing the protection of her shield

>she cries in agony as her yeast infection spreads through her body

>her disguise begins to wither away as her hair falls and her glasses crack

>i get right next to her and freeze remembering one thing

>onions help prevent yeast infection

>her hand brushes against mine as she grabs the onion before teleporting away

>i collapse to the ground

>i allowed her to escape and now i have magic poisoning

>the purple glow begins spreading up my arm

>his onioniness is going to leave me to succumb to my death for failure

>i close my eyes as the fuckboiness begins taking over

>suddenly two giant hands wrap my torso and im lifted into the air

>i open my eyes to see the ogrelords mighty mouth opening

>a tremendous burp resounds within him and permeates over my body

>the overwhelming smell of onions is intoxicating as a dark green mist pushes the purple magic from my body

>Shrek drops me and i scramble to my knees to apologize

>"stand up laddeh"

>i do and his onioniness rests his giant green piece on my shoulder and begins to speak

>"i knight thee in the name of the onion order"

>i begin tearing up as the holy cock moves to my other shoulder

>"rise knight"

>i rise quickly and look to the ogrelord to express my honoredness

>but he has already vanished

>Shrek is love

>Shrek is life