Sofía

Too much

August 8th, 2014. New York City, NY.

Scarlett's pov:
I don't know why we decided to do this today, but I guess it's happening. I mean I do know why and people are already arriving, but still like... why?

I keep feeling enormous, but I've also weirdly had tons of energy. We've been going on lots of walks, going to the park and museums, and we've also done lots of things at home, like finishing decorating the nursery and also Sofí's room because she decided to change basically everything; and we also finally finished Mr. Newton's outside pen, he is getting quiet big so he needed it.

Today, I also have energy, but I feel like it's gonna disappear kinda quickly. See, some family and friends are coming over for a barbecue. A barbecue that has been postponed like 6 times already, but we finally found the perfect day to do it, and it kinda has to be now or never because summer is basically over and I could pop anytime now.

I did noticed Sofía woke up... weird. Not in a bad mood but also not in her usual happy playful one. In the morning when we were getting ready I asked her if she was fine, and she just told me yes, and then left the room. I know that when she is like this she can easily get irritated, so I just let it be. Hopefully getting to see her aunts and uncles puts her in a better mood. She has said she misses them.

Thirty minutes pass and every single guest is here. Everyone is catching up with everyone, so all you hear are voices here and there. Some people are even metting new people.
We are all in the backyard. Lots of chairs and tables displayed around the barbecue, where my brothers are taking care of the food.

I wanna help, but not a single person in this place is allowing me to do anything productive. I wanna cut the veggies, Sonia steps in; I wanna make some fruit water, Vanessa does it instead; I wanna pour myself a drink, Romain does it for me; I wanna eat and I swear my mother is close to feeding me herself.
I appreciate every single one of them, I really do, but they can also be so annoying.

I do notice there's a lack of hyperactivity, like something is missing. I look for my daughter who has been way too quiet, until I find her snuggled up with my mom. She is doing nothing, just sitting there while my mother has what looks like a very interesting conversation with Drew. I'm getting worried, by now I thought she would be running around or joking with someone, but no.

Sofía's pov:
I don't want to do anything today. I want to sleep, that's what I wanna do. A little part of me do wants to spend time with my family, but the big part doesn't. I don't even know why, which frustrates me.

But I don't want to seem rude or be angry, so I'm here. I said hi to everybody and I helped bringing some of the snacks outside. Now I'm sitting with Bubby, trying to fall asleep, but there's too much noise so all I do is lay my head on her chest. She is talking about tha last place she visited, somewhere in Canada, saying how beautiful everyting was.

I feel eyes watching me, and when I turn my head in that direction, I see Mama looking at me with a look of concern that instantly turns into a smile when she notices me.
In the morning I was kinda blank with her when she asked how I was feeling, I hope it didn't sound too rude or anything. I don't like been rude to my Mama.

Uncle Hunter calls everyone to sit. The food is ready. There's tons of meat, but there are also veggies, which I like because I'm not feeling like eating meat today, today it seems gross. There are quesadillas as well.

I go sit on my chair, in between Mama and Auntie Van. I put some zucchini, potatoes and broccoli in my plate, alongside three quesadillas.
~Don't you want some meat? There's chorizo~ Mama asks.
~I don't want meat today, if that's okay~
~It's fine. Do you want some lemon water?~
~Yes please~ I say and instantly Auntie Van grabs my glass before Mama has the chance to. They exchange some deadly glances and then each of them starts eating their food. Can you tell they are sisters.

Scarlett's pov:
I have no idea how we went from trying to figure out the meaning of life to dancing ABBA.
Everybody is jumping and twirling around. Everybody except three people: me, because I physically can't; Romain, because he is slowly dancing with me; and Sofía, who is jumping and doing tricks on the trampoline on her own. She still hasn't talk much, but all least she got her energy up and is doing something else then laying on top of someone.

We keep dancing for a long time, until I get too tired and decide to go sit and just watch everybody have fun. When I do this, I look to see the trampoline, only to find it alone.
I try to find Sofía among the small crowd, but I can not see her. I don't know where she is and I'm starting to get worried, so I ask my siblings and mother if they have seen her, but their answer is the same as mine.

I go inside the house hoping to find her there. Living room, no; kitchen, no; office, no. I go upstairs to her room and I first I don't see her, but I manage to hear some mumbles.

I see her sitting on the floor with her back on the bed. Her face burried on her hands.
~Sofí?~ I gently say.
She looks up at me. Her eyes about to burst with tears.

~Hey what's wrong?~ I say while trying to sit down next to her.
~I don't want... it's too much~ she whispers.
~Come here, you are okay~ I take her in my arms. She softens up and starts silently crying.
I let her do that for about five minutes, until she stops.

~Can you tell me what happened?~
~I wanna be alone~
~Okey, does that mean you want me to leave? I can do that, if that's what you need~
~No. I want to be alone with you and Rom, but no one else~
~You don't want other people in the house. Is this why you've been so quiet the entire afternoon?~
~Mhm~

~Sweetie why didn't you tell me? We could've told everybody to leave early. Or even told them not to come~
~I don't want to be rude. That's why I was crying, I wanted to be with everybody but I don't feel like it. But I don't know why and it's frustrating~
~It was too much wasn't it? I was starting to feel like that as well~
~You were?~ she asks and I nod.
~Next time you feel like this, no matter where we are, you tell me okay? And if that means we have to leave or take a nap or anything, we do that. You are always my first priority~
~Thank you Mama. And I'm sorry, you should be down there with everybody~
~You don't have to be sorry. Do you want to tell everybody to leave or are you fine with staying here, cuddlingwith me?~
~Here, let them have fun~

She gets up and jumps on her bed, getting under the covers in a matter of seconds.
~No miss, get here and help your mother stand up. Come one~
~Why?~ she whines.
~Because I have like... many extra pounds on me. And because I'm your mother, and I say so~
She reluctantly gets up and puts all her strength into lifting me up.

We get into bed and just cuddle, holding in each other until we both fall asleep.

Hi!

This chapter was inspired in how I felt some days ago when there was people in my house and all I wanted to do was being alone in my room and I wanted to cried because I couldn't do that :)

Anyways, I hope you enjoy it, and I hope to soon write something more... dramatic I guess.

Stay safe <3