"Remember thinking that I'd never would be loved, that love was just not for me, that I wasn't worthy of loving but you made me feel so loved and special. I'll always thank you for that, for making me feel like I truly was worthy."
Victoria Adams is...
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Victoria's doctor comes out and ask for her family members and I tell him I'm her husband, he asks that I sit down. I have a bad feeling, I can see his face expression, it's the same one my mother's doctor had when he told my father she has passed away. "Your wife came in with a bullet wound but she had already internal bleeding and we were able to take the bullet out and control the bleeding but simply your wife was too weak after the surgery and the bleeding didn't stop we did all we could but she didn't make it. I'm sorry for your loss" I listen to very word he says and I refuse to believe that she's actually gone, no she is strong, god she survived so many things in her life this can't be it. "What the fuck do you mean you did all you could! If you did then you are terrible doctors she would be alive if you did everything right" I yell at him grabbing him up from the chair he was sitting in. Dom comes in and calms me down. All I wanted to do is see her one last time but the doctor said that the hospital had to respect her wishes of nobody seeing her dead. I can understand why she wanted this but I just want to see her. The last time I saw her the nurses came in because she was going into cardiac arrest, she looked so calm you would never know that she was dying.
Enzo gave me a letter that she wrote for me but I've just had it inside the pocket of my suit jacket. This is the last thing she left me. I'm in my hotel room sitting here just drinking.
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I keep on remembering holding her so tightly and keeping pressure on the bullet wound trying to keep her from bleeding out but there was so much blood. I remember that I didn't even want to get up from the spot I sat next to the door they took her in to do surgery. Dom had to drag me to the restroom to help me change and to take off the blood from my body. I remember being numb to everything just looking at the blood coming off. I remember the minute she closed her eyes before going in the hospital my heart stopped, her body had begin to become cold. I could feel my eyes burning from how much the tears wanted to come out but I hold it in. I remember finally letting them out when Enzo left, he said he was going to take her of her business and that he'd make sure I'd receive her ashes. As soon as he said that and left I just started crying, I don't even remember the last time I cried.
I grab the other bottle I ordered which was a bourbon, when I ordered it made me think of her when we would go to bars and she'd always ask for bourbon mostly when things were going difficult with the contracts of the hospital she made. God how am I suppose to live without her smiles, laugh, waking up and her being by my side looking like an angel. She was my angel, she brought back a side of me I hadn't had only my mom would see that side when I spent time with her. How am I suppose to keep going when I can't even breathe, I feel like I'm drowning, gasping for air, air that she took with her.
