I lied," I say still looking at his lips, he opens his eyes and gazes over at me.
"Uh oh," he whispers, not breaking eye contact. I am suddenly aware of his lingering stare. He looks at me everywhere, every inch, there was no hiding from it. His ga...
I WAKE UP TO A SLEEPING BOY BESIDE ME AND THE FLUTTER OF AN INDESCRIBABLE FEELING IN MY BELLY. If I reached out enough, I could touch him. I reached out, ruffling a soft curl that had fallen low into his face.
He looked peaceful, so beautiful like a fallen angel. The sun hadn't quite risen yet, the sky was a dark navy blue and the last of the night stars winked at me goodnight.
I watched Ezra's back rise and fall, rise and fall. I reach down and give him a kiss on his bare shoulder. It's a goodbye kiss that he'll never know about. I can't have him, it would be selfish of me to even try. We are both too broken. We will inevitably fail and end up loathing each other, I only want to remember Ezra one way, not negative, but as the boy who came at the right time.
My soul needed him, longed for him even. My heart cried and yelled at me. Stupid, stupid girl. But my brain was pleased, I was making the mature choice for once in my life.
I try to think of what my dad would do in this situation, but if my dad was alive this wouldn't be a situation. I then try to think about if my dad were in my shoes.
The answer isn't hard to find, I know exactly what he'd do, without a doubt, I know what he would do. He wouldn't for a second even think to let Ezra go, he didn't let go of the people he cared about, even now, this may sound crazy, but I know he's watching me, I feel him with me right now. He's not there all the time, but for events like these, he's here to guide me. I swear it.
He's grabbing my shoulders, shaking me. "Nora bear," he'd say. "The answer is in your heart, it's always in your heart and you've got a good one, Nor, get out of your head, baby."
I can't live my life in fear of loss, I have to try and give my all and if I fall, i'll just get back up again, in pain, but i'll always get back up, sometimes it just takes a little longer.
This boy was going to ruin me. I didn't want to weigh him down with my baggage. He didn't know the broken sad parts of me, I hid them well.
He didn't know that I often times cry so hard that my head pounds like a drum, that I cry so much that I want to pull my hair out, just to stop the tears from flowing out of me.
He didn't know that I was mean to my mom, or that my best friend would call me or text me and i'd ignore her because there were days where I felt so empty inside. There were days where I didn't even feel human, void of any emotion at all. He didn't know that i'd gone days without showering, or washing my hair, or brushing my teeth, or eating, or doing anything to take care of myself. He didn't know that there where days that I wanted to join my dad.
I don't think Ezra would like that Nora at all.
Ezra stirs, rolling onto his back, he scrunches his nose and squints his eyes. The sun was slowly rising, casting an orange hue on us.
