I lied," I say still looking at his lips, he opens his eyes and gazes over at me.
"Uh oh," he whispers, not breaking eye contact. I am suddenly aware of his lingering stare. He looks at me everywhere, every inch, there was no hiding from it. His ga...
I HAVE TO REWARD MYSELF FOR THE LITTLE THINGS. Getting out of bed before one, eating, drinking water, combing my hair, it's hard for me. Little tasks throughout the day keep me sane, they keep me from spiraling.
A party is not a little thing, however.
A party is big. It's humongous, it makes my skin crawl just thinking about being around so many people, having to make small talk, acting like you actually give a fuck about Friday nights basketball game versus our school rivals the Chapman Riders, or the winter ball in February or any other minuscule high school bullshit.
My best friend, Danielle, of ten long years stands beside me before we enter Blair Cianci's condo on the top floor.
"Nora," Danielle says, offering me a wide smile. "Baby steps," she says gesturing towards the door.
"A party is not a baby step, Dani," I remind her, crossing then uncrossing my arms, a nervous tick of mine.
When I say Danielle had to pull me out of bed, I mean it. She practically bathed and dressed me—something I only did when absolutely necessary.
I look down in what she had dressed me in, something slutty, something borrowed. A few months ago something this revealing would be nothing. But a few months ago was a different Nora.
This Nora was not comfortable in a short tight black skirt, this Nora did not like how the red blouse showed every curve, how it showed off her bust. The new Nora knew how impractical it was to dress like this in the dead of winter.
"You'll be fine, I miss you being my wing woman," Danielle says, twisting a strand of my hair that fell into my face.
I sigh, nodding. I knew that my grief did not only effect me, but everyone else I knew and loved too. Dani has been there for me most of my life and she's been especially present in my time of grief.
I realize that I haven't been the best of friends lately, but it's hard to care about anything when I feel so numb. I love Dani, the sane voice in my head says, the least you can do is attend a party for a few hours.
"Dani, don't act like you actually need a wing woman, you get enough play on your own."
She shrugs, with a sigh. "Dry spell?" she says it like a question while knocking on the door loudly, to be heard over the loud music.
