I lied," I say still looking at his lips, he opens his eyes and gazes over at me.
"Uh oh," he whispers, not breaking eye contact. I am suddenly aware of his lingering stare. He looks at me everywhere, every inch, there was no hiding from it. His ga...
MY SWEATER SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME. But sitting in Dr. V's office was like sitting in hell, her office was particularly toasty today, still I sat staring at her with my arms crossed over my chest, stubbornly.
She stared back at me, lips thin, almost like she was mildly annoyed.
"Nora?" she begins, putting her pen down. "I know this is hard, but you have to try if you want to get something out of this."
I lean back in the cosy sofa, nodding my head, picking at my nails, and gnawing at my bottom lip slightly, it was so hard for me to open up, but I didn't ask for therapy sessions, so why did I have to go? Why did I have to cooperate at all?
"I want to try an exercise," she hums, soothingly, standing up from her desk, she paces back and forth, heels clicking and clacking, making me even more anxious than I already was.
Dr. V was tall, with sunny blonde hair, flecked with white, yet she didn't look a day over 30. She stood tall, carrying hundreds of thousands of secrets on her shoulder. Not my secrets, however. She hadn't gotten anything out of me, would it kill me to open up at little? I think to myself, looking at my chipped fingernail polish.
"What exercise?" I croak out, after long moments of silence. I speak so little that when I do, my own voice surprises me. It felt like I was in someone else's skin, like they were talking for me, and I was trapped in their body, forced to think and feel what they thought.
Dr. V stops in her traces mid pace, as if she's shocked to hear me speak too, but quickly begins to pace back and forth not missing a beat.
I glance out the window behind the pacing woman, the city was always bustling, the world went on, millions of people living their everyday lives, yet I stay stagnant, never changing. Stuck to live the same dreadfully unbearable day. I felt empty most days, and the emptiness was a relief from days where I felt everything at once.
Today I was feeling...well I wasn't sure, if i'd have to describe it, it'd be somewhere in the middle, maybe that was a good balance, maybe I was slowly, slowly starting to cope?
Dr. V returns to her chair, staring at me hands clasped. "Pretend i'm not here, lie down on your back and just talk, I won't say anything, unless you directly address me, pretend you're talking to yourself, or a wall, anything,"
I fiddle with my nails again, staring everywhere, but her. Without thinking, I swing my feet up on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, hands clasped on my tummy. I could not see Dr. V, I hoped she wasn't staring at me, I hated when people looked at me, especially when I didn't know that they were doing it.
