Perdita

35 | believe in your smile

I was a horrible child, I thought to myself. So terrible that I had made my mother go away. I wanted her back and to make her proud of me. To love me.

For the three days, I stayed the whole time in the bathroom where the light was at and practiced my smile so much until even I believed it.

I'm fine, I told myself. I'm fine.

Three days later, I stood staring at the door waiting for my mother to come back with a wide smile I've practiced to perfection.

But instead of smiling, she wanted me to cry.

And I did. Far too easily for six years old.

Little did I know this would work in my favor when I was the mindless creature in the darkness.

Maybe I'm always meant to be in the darkness.

After all, it always chased me for all of my short span of life until it caught me and it found a way to make it my haven and solace.

It's my life and in it, I always expect the worst.

I have no choice but to ease into it.

P E R D I T A

You're fine. I heard the voice gently whisper, the phantom air brushing on my ears. Smile so good that even you believe it, Ariana.

I fooled my mother I was happy with my smile or sad with the tears, I tricked the monsters I was broken with my silence, I convinced myself I was fine with all my repressed emotions, and now I'm going to continue pretending and acting until the day I fall.

The reason I'm still here - still grounded in the reality after all of it - is my best trait. I'm adaptable. Evolution is part of humans' history and I'm no different. I adapt faster than a normal being. Mother had shown me that and aided me in honing it without even realizing it. She was right. It was for my good and it did me some good.

An erupt.

It was what all a few days ago when I erased the words on my stomach. A second of slip. A moment of weakness. My emotions had been overflowing so I needed to let some of them out. My mind had shut down, probably to regain my composure. To keep the boiling emotions from going out of the pot like

My mental breakdown was triggered by Mia's words a few days ago.

What happened to me - to my body - was no big deal. I didn't even there to witness it. What's the difference if it happens one more time when my body was already used over and again. It was already ruined and nobody can ruin what was already is.

It merely served as a reminder that I am never safe. In my life, I have to accept the worst.

I'm fine.

I'd just come to reality again to find myself on a bed in a strange-looking room. I'd spotted Noah and Apollo sleeping on a couch at the end of the room. I was shocked to find Salvo and Ares in the sight, too. Ares was also sleeping, slumped on a chair and his head tilted back against the wall - in an uncomfortable position.

Salvo was the only one awake, only he was out of the room. But I could see him through a glass window. He was leaning on a wall, munching on a bag of chips, in some strange-looking corridor.

After another few moments of observing my surroundings, it suddenly hit me that I was in a hospital. I never was in a hospital or doctor's office - ever in my life. It was kind of funny if I think about it, considering how many scars I've gotten over my body.