The whole underground world knows of the infamously lost mafia princess Ariana Romano, the only girl born into the most ruthless and coldest mafia family the world has ever seen, who at four years old kidnapped by her own mother. The day where the R...
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TW: suicidal thoughts
The eight days passed quickly with Pumpkin. These days ever since, my thoughts were mostly consumed by the cat on my lap as I sat on a bench near the window in my room. It was in the middle of the night. It was pouring rain and thunder echoed every thirty seconds. I was very glad for me to focus on it so I didn't have to overthink the other things.
I didn't know the brothers very well but they seemed a lot more agitated this week than the last one. They've been arguing and shouting among themselves ever since my birthday. They try to hide it from me but I could hear them from how loud they were. But I didn't think much of it.
I had been pushing myself this week to walk by myself. The pain is still there and my legs shake when I put my weight on them. Which worried me a lot because I was slowly gaining some pounds and what if my weight becomes too heavy for the little muscles I have to hold? I was getting an urge to ask Salvo but I haven't spoken that much. Just one word there and here.
The brothers didn't know that I'd been practicing. I was told I should stay in the bed and rest. But I couldn't. Without the chains holding me back, I couldn't resist taking much freedom as possible.
I waited until everybody was asleep and I get up to walk around a bit. It was one of the best parts of my days, aside from Pumpkin.
Speaking of sleeping, I was the opposite from two weeks ago. For the last four years, I was asleep a lot. It was my escape. No suffering. No monsters. No pain. Full of nothingness. Just a void.
Now I realized that freedom comes with a price. The nightmares. I never had it until now which frustrated me a lot. Before, there were monsters in the reality and nothingness in dreams. Now there are monsters in both. There was no escape anymore. I now avoid sleeping as much as possible.
The nightmares reminded me of the things done to me for years and I hated it. I wanted to forget again. If remembering things included the bad ones too then I don't want to at all.
After waking up from a nightmare, I shake from head to toe and am full of sweat. For a few minutes, I can't move a muscle and there was the sharp blue-eyed monster standing in the corner of the room staring at me as I'm pinned down by an invisible force. Sometimes he's silent, the other times he tells me I'll never be free.
The monster told the truth. I would never be free. Physically I may be. But I would always be the prisoner of my mind.
If there was a new obstacle, I always turned to the voice. But it was gone since I've woke up in this place. I had mixed feelings about it. I despised the voice. It was just another monster stuck in my mind and made me harm myself when I didn't need more scars. The voice made me wait for death. But I also depended on it. It helped me a lot for years and it was always right. The voice wanted me to die till the day I met Salvo and Noah.
I wondered if it was the voice who had made the nightmares stay away and now that was gone there's nothing to make it go away.
Is it worth it to hope for the voice to come back? If it came back and I'm free, would it still want me to die? I had the power to do it now. I had the control to end my suffering. There were no chains to shackle me, no fresh wounds to make me weak to move even an inch, and my legs were getting stronger.
