Mine (HOOD) [COMPLETED]

31; Bath thoughts

Shay's POV

It feels so nice to soak my tired body in this hot bath. It's been awhile I did this and with Calum staying here with Tommy for awhile, I take the opportunity to have alone time with me, myself & I. I take my phone and switch on some soothing music and place my phone on the sink, I close my eyes thinking, this is the life.

Today is a good day overall, Tommy's party has been a success despite the argument I had with Calum. Thinking it over, am I being overdramatic? Am I making Tommy as an excuse for my feelings? ugh, why do I have feelings, still?!

Okay, before I put this feeling aside, I'm going to bare my feelings out on the floor since I'm alone right now. Should I say it out loud? Will that help me to see things clearer? Maybe I'll just keep the silence cause even talking makes me so tired and I'm relaxing right now.

What I can be open about is, I really hate Calum's skinny girlfriend. I don't hate her cause she's dating Calum, maybe she's a sweetheart to him, but I just hate her guts like Calum deserve way better than a model. Am I being too judgmental cause she's a model? Maybe she does has brains, maybe she reads and is really intelligent and has a great body and face as a bonus, just like Tyra Banks. I might be overreacting, it's just my first impression of her. Who knows what is her first impression on me? It might be ugly teen mom that has no future on having a great career and a lean body like her? I do have an okay body, well not everything is toned but I think I'm doing okay? Keep telling yourself that Shay Michelle Dallas.

She did left the party early, gosh! Did Calum told her that I hated her guts? She's just so intimidating, look at her! And look at me! Ugh, I'm feeling insecure right now just looking at my big thighs. Maybe I should start working out? If I have the time, cause I'm working, studying and doing chores and being a mum, is a totally whole other workout and why can't that be slimming? I think I should apologize to Calum, I should be happy that he finally found someone even though if it's only a fuck-buddy, maybe it'll grow to something great just like in the movies. Why do I feel like I don't want her to take my place? Wait, what? Take my place? no no, I have no place in the first place. Right? Ugh, fine I admit it! I've never stop thinking about Calum hence I loved him, and probably loved him even more cause there'll be no Tommy if there's no him. Yes at the same time, I hated him cause he left me alone and made me feel like he didn't even love me cause he doesn't want to jump in the wagon and dumped me.

That was intense. But right now, he has been such a wonderful dad to Tommy and I'm happy for him. I do believe that Calum would not abandon his child, but why was I so caught up and saying that he will leave him? Then Calum told me that was it me who will feel abandoned and unloved? Why would I even? I have Will, he's a great guy! He's my type of a guy and what Calum said that he was just into literature cause he wants to fuck girls is just bogus. We even haven't done it yet, he respects my space like how a gentleman should.

Maybe I will miss him when he's away, oh gosh! I feel so pathetic! This is stupid! I want to forget him, I want to unlove him, but why do I feel that I will miss him when he's away? This is just the feelings talking, feelings are irrational. I care about Calum, I really do. He was my first love, and first love is always the hardest. I'll get pass this. Maybe not seeing him every day will make me miss him but it will give me some space to actually get him out of my system.

You had five years to get him out of your system, you didn't. You date Will, a gorgeous British lad that is a sweetheart, you still think of Calum whenever he touches you and now he's gonna go to tour and you feel a hint that you'll miss him. What makes you think that he'll be ever out of your system?