Mine (HOOD) [COMPLETED]

13; Digging through

Shay's POV

"So, how was lunch with Calum?", Rachel asks me through skype. She finally has free time so she decide to use her Saturday night to skype with her little cousin. 

I hold my chin and rest my elbow on the table, "it went good actually, Tommy really liked him. He bought one of those little cars for Tommy and he wouldn't let it go ever since. He even brings it to school, I'm just worried that he'll lose it or some kid will snatch it right from his hand", I take a peek behind me to check on my son and he's just playing with that yellow car on the floor. 

"Don't you worry, he knows how to take care of his stuffs. You're his mother for God's sakes, you never lose stuff", I can see Rachel tie her hair in a bun and I can't help but too scoff at her remark.

"Yeah, right. Stop lying, Rach. Anyways, hows work?"

"Na'ah. You don't get to change the subject", she fiddled her finger right in my face and I am not changing the subject, I'm just diverting it for a while.

"I'm not changing the subject! I simply ask how your work was?"

"I knew you since you were a fetus. Let's talk about Calum", now I'm shocked. 

"Why? I told you that the lunch went well and Tommy likes him. What else is there?", I look at her with my hands on my hips. 

She rolls her eyes, what did I do to deserve an eye roll? 

"What about you? Did he left any effect on you? What's the feeling of meeting your first love after a long time? Does he still make you nervous? Did he change anything..", I got to stop her.

"What are you talking about, Rach? What is all of these questions?", I put my hand in front of the screen to express my confusion.

"Just dish, Shay! You are absolutely lying if you say you do not feel anything at all that day"

"I don't!", I shouted and she shouted back at me, "you're lying!"

I cross my arms and look at her furiously, "Seriously? Fine! I feel awkward at first but then looking at him talking to Tommy, it feels nice. He even mentioned about my obsession over Carrie Underwood, and it just brings me back to the time when I always sing it to him", my voice was loud because of how annoying Rachel is being but then I feel comfort as I talk about him even more. 

"He still ruffles his hair when he's nervous, and the way he talked to me. He's still charming and sweet and I could not believe how invested he was to be in Tommy's life. I was impressed and glad at the same time, because he seems like he can be a good father to Tommy. He looks at Tommy in a different way, he even smiled the smile", I added and look out the window in front of me, thinking of Calum.

"What smile?", Rach asked while drinking a soda.

"The smile where he shows all of his teeth and his eyes will squint till you can't see those round eyes anymore. He even has this laugh lines at the side of his eyes, he used to smile like that with me", I answered while touching the side of my eyes to show where his laugh lines are always visible. 

"So, you don't hate him anymore?"

I look straight to Rachel with piercing eyes, "I just said that I can see his affection towards my son, it doesn't make my hatred towards him any less. I told him that we are friends, not more. Let's not talk about me anymore, how bout you and your love life? Have you been on any dates?"

I admit, I was in love with Calum and seeing him brings back all the feelings I had for him before that summer ended. I hate him yes, I do. I hate him for leaving, not sticking out for me and even consider to try. I hate that he's being possessive and restraining me from chasing my dreams, all the kisses, hugs and looking into each other's eyes like we are meant for each other could not outweigh the fact that he left. I thought I was unloveable, cause the only person that can love me right was him but then life brought Tommy to me and showed me that there is someone that can love me better.