KISMET

THE PERSON IN ME

LISA

For five months now, I am obeying all my doctor's rules and commands for my fast recovery. I am just so happy to know that I am redeeming my health so fast. No more irregular heartbeat. No more chest pains and fears of dying.

My eyes can now see the world again. If I did not listen to my doctors that I should get my follow up medication here in the US, I won't be able to achieve all these.

I gave the caregiver I hired here a bonus and he is so happy. I also thanked the house helper my Mom hired for me. Without them, I don't know how to survive my daily life here.

Missing Jennie and my children so much hurt my heart and mind. But I have to live. I have to change my mindset. This is not just about me. The world just does not rotate for me. I have children. I have employees. I have my family who makes me feel I am important.

But I am still wondering if I can still have the woman I love in the future. I don't know. Who knows?

I am so excited to have a video call again with my kids. Mama Cathy answered right away. She is shedding some tears of joy knowing I can see now and I am recovering. But she told me to still take care of myself and don't forget to tell them when I need something.

Marcus cried. He thanked God for my sight. Kylie is crying because she wants me to come home. I told her that I will come home very soon. They always cry when I do phone calls with them before. It broke my heart hearing them sob.

I just have to fix some business here in America. I will soon be there, I promise!

My Axl's smile is the most wonderful facial expression I have ever seen! I can't believe he can see me now.

Before I ended the call, I heard Jennie arrived at their house and the kids ran to kiss her. God. I miss her. I miss that voice. I miss you so much, Jen! She keeps sending me messages a lot. I still listen to her voice messages. Unfortunately, I couldn't read some when I was blind. The moment I got my sight back, I read it all and it just makes me fall in love with her more.

And I learned from my lawyer that Jennie doesn't really want to push through the divorce.  She never handed back the papers to my lawyer.

I drove myself going to Baltimore. I have to meet some teachers and pilots there.

Yes, I am planning to put up a flying school here in the US, in London and Korea too. This is for my Axl's future.

I just can't rely on the airline. It's for Marcus when he's at the right age. I have big dreams for my children. Next on my list is to go to Korea and buy the hotel where I used to stay before during my stopovers. My executive assistant mentioned to me that my marketing team got a tip that it's for sale. Actually, even their branch in London is also for sale. So why not buy it and we'll make some promotions for our passengers? I think I am also maturing as a businessman. But this hotel concept is for my Kylie. I want her to own these two hotels someday. And maybe I can make it grow more.

My meeting with some pilots in Baltimore was successful. I got a message from Chanyeol. He told me if I am free tonight, he will be glad to meet me in Washington. I miss that guy!

We met at a wine dine, had dinner and few talks. I just had coffee for I am still not an alcohol drinker. Never tasted again since Jennie left me before.

"How are you? I mean, your heart?" He asked.

"All good. I'm doing great. The Doctor said I can even start traveling and working now." I said.

"Good to know that. But I also want to hear the status of your heart. Are you already in love with someone?" This guy is teasing me.

"It's still her. I tried opening my mind on the idea of getting to know someone but I really can't. Without any pressure, I still think of Jennie. I think my love for her just comes naturally and it's always been here." I honestly confessed.

"So, why not go back to London and get your girl? Lisa, Jennie changed you a lot. I mean, yeah, you were such an asshole before but you became the person you must be when you realized you really love her. Maybe it's not yet too late?" He is so serious.

"I tried pushing myself in to her life. But look what happened. I just ruined it. I didn't let her breathe, Chan. I should have let her find real peace without me when she left me. I was too selfish. I thought just by changing for the better will bring us back together, but again, I was wrong.

If there's one thing I realize, if you love a person, you must also learn to respect their personal space. You must also value their solitude. It's for them to know themselves better.

Jennie was so broken because of me. But I let her broken self be with me and I believed that I can fix her and us but it's so wrong. I didn't let her embrace different phases of her life all by herself." I can't believe I am hearing this from myself.

"So, what's your plan?" He is really hoping that I will still pursue Jennie.

"If you'll ask my mind, I would go back to London, kneel again and ask her to marry me. But my heart tells me I should let God, the world, time and fate do the work. If it's us, then so be it.

If not, then I think I have to grow old and just focus on my children. If God will give me a person to love, I would thank him. But how I wish it's still Jennie. For now, I am just focused on how to make money and secure my children's future. Well, I have secured it already but I want more for them. You know. I want them to have less worries in life.

They did not tell us to bring theme here in this strange world. So as a parent, I think, I am the one responsible to provide for them as long as I can." I don't know why my heart is filled with joy while saying all my plans.

"I am so proud of you. You will be my role model once I'll have children of my own." Chanyeol may be a tough looking guy, but he is the most emotional!

"Just those good things and not the Lisa you used to know before." I teased him and he laughed.

After a week, I decided to leave the US and stay in Seoul.

I talked to the owner of the hotel. Actually, coming in this building reminds me of the first time I slept with Jennie. It was here.

I still have to wait for few months until the building will be transferred to my name and to Kylie as my beneficiary.

I am hoping not to die early, but I am also making sure that my children won't have a problem with food to eat and clothes to wear if ever I'll be gone. I may be healthy now, but who knows what's going to happen tomorrow, right?

I bought the hotel in Seoul. The one in London is still on the process but surely it will be mine as soon as the owner's done with all the papers. He let me stay at the penthouse of this hotel building in Seoul so I won't spend money anymore on renting while I wait for the title and ownership.

I think it's also the best time to travel the whole South Korea. Know more about  the culture. It's where my wife's roots. Why not learn it?