KISMET

THERAPY CURB

LISA

I guess, today is my ninth session with my therapist since Jennie and I separated. It helps me a lot. But I won't deny that every time I am with my children at Jennie's house, it heals me more. When I teach Marcus how to read through Braille and when I prepare Kylie's milk, I couldn't ask for more.  When I see Jennie taking care of the kids, it makes me happy. And strange at the same time. Happy because I learned to open my eyes and see every detail how she does it. She's a great disciplinarian and at the same time a cool mama to Kylie and Marcus.

Usually, I spend my night with the kids after my work and just go home when they're asleep. Sometimes, Jennie would also give me her time just by talking about random things at their veranda.

And the strange part, do you know what is it?

Every time I look at her, lust is no longer filling my head and my body. But I felt something in my chest. My heart is beating fast so good.

Is this love? Am I feeling this before and just ignoring it? Or is this a new one blooming? Because every time I look at her, she is not turning my world into something.

Jennie becomes my world.

But I am not trying so hard to push myself in. I am respecting her and the last time I became aggressive, it didn't went well.

I think I have to win her heart back after I fix myself. It's not right that just because I can't get her I would force her to love me back again.

You know what happened after that night I brought her at their house?

I had been giving her flowers with short notes expressing what I feel towards her or how she looks beautiful today.

I asked her if I can court her.

But all she said was, "I don't want anybody to court me, Lisa. I want my time for my kids. Let's just be friends."

I know she felt how desperate I was to get her back.

And I think it wasn't working.

Again, here I am knocking at my therapist's door.

She said that I must prepare myself for this session as it will bring back a little trauma.

The moment I stepped in, she gave me a cup of tea and told me stories about her child. I learned also that she was also separated from her husband but they got back together.

When I was done with my tea, she asked me to close my eyes and just clear my mind for a while. She said I should not go back and see the environment if she hasn't told me yet.

It was a calm moment. She told me to relax for we will be traveling to my memory lane.

"Lisa, can you still remember the first time you saw Jennie? What did you feel that day?"

"Clearly. I was so sick of my life that time, being forced to do things I didn't want to do. Then when I found her, I saw something that is more than my need of having sex with her. I found relief in her arms."

"Ok. What's next? Keep going."

"I thought it was just a one night stand. I surprised myself realizing that I was already looking for her. I was scared to lose her when she did not call and text me back anymore."

"So, when the two of you weren't married yet, you were already scared to lose her. That is noted."

"Why do you think you wanted her?"

"I— I wanted her because I needed her comfort. With her, I felt being valued. Jennie has this natural care that I haven't experienced with other women I had in the past."